The cawllarborne of the skinny crow was so pronounced.
My girlfriend and I saw an inflatable gorilla In front of a jacuzzi store
She asked me why they would do that for a jacuzzi store. I told her it was a guerilla tactic. She was not impressed.
What did the axon terminal say to the receptor when they broke up?
I need my space.
What is a skeleton’s favorite type of film to watch?
A spine-tingler.
What Happens If You Give a Politician Viagra?
They get taller.
When she asked me if I like soup, I replied saying "I am crazy pho soups".
My grandpa used to cut the grass before he died
but he has been lawn gone.
My singing voice sounds bad in my tiny apartment.
It’s a little flat.
It’s so cold the cosmetics counter at the local department store started selling cream for goosebumps.
Are you the energizer bunny cause you just keep going and going through my mind.
Why shouldn’t you lend a geologist money?
They consider a million years ago to be Recent.
Why wasn’t the pig chosen in the football/soccer team?
It was a ball hogger.
What is it called when a blonde blows in another blonde's ear? Data transfer.
"Cabernet. More like, caber-yay!"
I‘m no photographer, but I can picture us running together.
I feel like we're in tune
I rang the fishing helpline today and said, "I'm rubbish at fishing, can you help me?"
The guy said, "Can you hold the line?"
I"No."
What did the farmer yell out when ducks invaded his dairy farm? Cheese and crackers!
How do old witches get good bargains?
They hag-gle.
Norway are you leaving without giving me your number!
I want to ask you out, but I’ve got butterflies in my stomach. And worms. And maggots…
During the pandemic, all the children asked to draw pictures of the different types of grass. The children had to submit their grass-essments online.
“What strange creatures brothers are!”—Jane Austen
What's green and sings? Elvis Parsley.
How did the serve know when the bad serve was not with the hand? The server knew it was the foot fault.
Q: Why couldn't the Pharaoh sing?
A: He hurt his larSphinx
When should you stop for a glow worm? When he has a red light.
The company is planning to make a new series to show people how to fly an aeroplane. They are now filming the pilot.
Crows love Cawnie Chung, their favorite reporter.
I always have a ball with you.
What do you get when you cross a pig and a cactus?
A porky-pine.
A surgeon was about to perform heart surgery when he received notice that the replacement was delivered to his house!
Home is where the heart is.
Will you be the Flin to my Flon?
As a mythologist and head of the household,
My word is lore.
What kind of soup can you make with cool beans?
Chilly!
I was taking care of my friend’s snake while he was on vacation, but somehow it crawled into our freezer and died.
I asked my wife, “What should I tell him?”
“Just give it to him straight.”
I thought I broke my leg when I tripped over a box of Kleenex last night
But the doctor said it's only tissue damage.
"If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you."
Emo bunnies just do not carrot all.
What's green and wears a cape?
Super Pickle.
What is a tiny cell phone called? A microphone.
How do you spot a radical baker?
They’re always going against the grain.
Did you hear about the little grape who didn’t want to be made into wine?
Unfortunately, he was pressed into service!
My keyboard fell apart today.
I feel like I'm losing Ctrl of everything.
Why are cowboys prone to gambling?
Because they're always raising the steaks.
I feel like a Christmas tree when you talk to me because I light up.
My girlfriend just told me I'm a poor listener.
Which upset me massively because I'm an awesome whistler.
Their romance started by candlelight.
But it only lasted a wick.
Teachers said I'd never be any good at poetry because I'm dyslexic.
Well I’ve had the last laugh because I've just made two jugs and a vase.
“Monday: nothing a bit of shopping can’t fix.”
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