Wanna go out sometime? I think we’d have Avery fun time together
I got my COVID-19 vaccine from a "doctor" who approached me in a downtown alley after midnight, offering it for $50 cash.
It was a shot in the dark, but I took it.
The frequency of bad physics puns on this category...
It hertz.
Mom: *Struggling to make a decision between 1% or 2%.
Dad: Milk up your mind!
Forget hydrogen, you're my number one element.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Scold.
Scold who?
Scold enough out here to go ice skating.
What do you call a woman with one leg?
Eileen.
We’re traveling winter-nationally.
"Partners in wine."
The best punishment to give orange kids is getting them canned. This is the only way to prevent them from going bad.
What do you call a watermelon that spends all day at the beauty spa? Must be a hottermmelon.
My Microwave is a Liar. On the front it says "30-60 Seconds for a Hot Dog."
I keep running that thing for minutes on end but I never get a Hot Dog to come out.
You're like my drug - when I'm with you, I feel Absinthe-minded.
My friend wasn't accepted for a teaching job because he was cross-eyed
They thought he wouldn't be able to control his pupils.
Two Dragons walk into a bar.
1st dragon: It's hot in here
2nd dragon: Shut your mouth.
An angry fruit yells at traffic in front of them
“Mango!”
"My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one."
Mix a box of mixed biscuits with a boxed biscuit mixer.
Why do pandas love watching classic movies?
Because they are in black and white.
I bought a wig for my wife, at a discount store...
Didn't want toupee full price.
Girl, your chromosomes have combined beautifully.
The slogan of a televangelist
"God will grant you all the money I need."
Why did the dolphin end its own life?
It was missing a porpoise.
I used to get heartburn when I ate birthday cake until a doctor advised me to take the candles off first.
Don't even chai.
What do you call a very religious person that sleep walks? a Roman Catholic
What do you call Chewbacca with chocolate stuck in its fur?
chocolate chip wookiee.
We failed to find the dog's bone because the owner berried it.
The village blacksmith finally found an apprentice willing to work hard for long hours. The blacksmith instructed the boy, “When I take the shoe out of the fire, I’ll lay it on the anvil; and when I nod my head, you hit it with this hammer.”
The apprentice did just as he was told. Now he’s the village blacksmith.
What did the baby corn say to the mama corn? "Where's Popcorn?"
Chuck Norris can speak French... In Russian.
Why did the chicken join the band?
Because he had the drumsticks.
A friend got to the final of the local model railway competition. He lost on points.
Why do blondes wear ponytails? To hide the valve stem!
What do you call a Jamaican man born in Italy?
Reggae-Toni.
What’s it called your backpack messes up your spine?
Schooliosis !
When we met, it was love at frost sight.
What cheese do vampires eat?
Munster.
It’s a winterful day!
If I had a penny for every time I dropped a penny, I would have none!
What do you call an imaginary yacht?
A dream boat.
What happens when you cross an iron with a telephone? You get a smooth signal.
How many men does it take to open a beer? none. the lady should already have it open on the table!
My friend told me he had to leave the play after Act l. Knowing he'd waited forever to see it, I asked him why. He said the program stated that Act ll was two years later, and he refused to wait that long.
“Man is an animal that makes bargains: no other animal does this - no dog exchanges bones with another.”
- Adam Smith.
What do you call an anthropomorphic animal blended in ice cream?
A McFurry
A boy lines up to get some apple juice and a girl lines up to get some orange juice
This would be funny but there’s no punchline.
My wife's been on a banana diet.
She hasn't lost any weight, but you should see her climb trees now!
Did you hear about the sick juggler? They say he couldnt stop throwing up!
I’m going green, if you know what I mean.
Go to BabaMail
