What did one maggot say to the other who was stuck in an apple? Worm your way out of that one, then!
What drives cheese crazy?
That everyone around them is crackers.
Sea you at the beach.
What do you call a laughing motorcycle? A Yamahahaha
Why did the tiger visit the eye specialist after dropping a can of red paint on himself? He saw red.
What do you call a worm that chews up power cords? An electro-maggot.”
A spider, a snake, and a kangaroo walk into a bar…
It’s a normal day in Australia.
Who is the most powerful potato? Darth Tater.
WOOD you tell give some wood puns?
What would you call a jellyfish combat veteran?
A man o' war.
“I’m like Pacman when I’m at a party, I eat everything and run away from anyone coming close to me.”
― Unknown
What do you call someone who kills a black person?
Murderer.
Did you know that back in medieval times, soldiers would sleep with lanterns next to them so they could see if something happened.
They were called "Knight Lights"
If we were binary, you’d be the one for me.
What’s another popular Christmas song that baby koalas like to sing? “Joey to the World”, of course!
How can you tell when a man is well hung? When you can just barely slip your finger in between his neck and the noose.
"Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough"
“Someone asked me why women don’t gamble as much as men do, and I gave the commonsensical reply that we don’t have as much money. That was a true and incomplete answer. In fact, women’s total instinct for gambling is satisfied by marriage.” – Gloria Steinem
What did the salt shaker say to the graint of salt? Why you INSALT MEEE.
Do you have a tan, or do you always look this hot?
The easiest way to know that you are eating a bowl of rabbit soup is to take a look inside and find a hare in it.
When a turkey, who yearly escapes
From his owner's Thanksgiving plate,
Was asked to reveal
Why he's never a meal
He said, "That much of a turkey I ain't!"
- Gail DeBole
“Running: Cheaper than therapy.”
-seen on runner’s T-shirt
Why did the thieves kidnap the monkey?
Because they believed in gibbon take.
I don't normally like girls who wear red coats. But, for you I'll make an exception.
I lub dub you with all my heart.
“Marriage is work. Marriage is a career. It's not an adventure, you do more before five than most folks do all day.”— Sinbad
Who is running the corona virus relief?
WHO??
A goal new ball game I he a kick outta you
First time hunters were arguing over which kind of animal tracks they had found when they were hit by a train.
Those who steal trains must have a loco–motive!
What did the dolphin say to its friend who wouldn’t stop lying?
Stop spouting nonsense!
“The remaining work to finish in order to reach your goal increases as the deadline approaches."
~ Bove’s Theorem
Why don’t leprechauns run?
They’d rather jig than jog.
What did the doctor say to the nurse that was attractive to the patient with the staph infection?
"Why are you so abscess-ed with him?"
Why do some guys have Red Eyes after se*? Mace.
A ghost and a witch with a broom
And a ghoul and a bat in a room
Stayed up very late
So that they could debate
About who should be frightened of whom!
Whats the difference between onions and girls?
I cry when I cut up onions.
Did you hear about the crow who worked at a call Center?
He was fired for Just Caws.
How many zen masters does it take to change a lightbulb?
Two, one to change it, and one not to change it.
What did one body of water say to the other?
"Do you sea what I sea?"
A student holds a gun to his English teacher. "Give me all your money or you're geography!"
"You mean history."
"Don't change the subject!"
Why are koala's so sleepy? Because you just got to be tired being so darn cute all day!
What's the difference between a bipolar person and a loft full of lemons?
One's a bit erratic and the other's a bitter attic.
Who’s there?
Can!
Can who?
Can Of Worms!
Did you hear that the list of famous vampires had a startling omission?
They forgot to Count Dracula!
If I told you that you had a great body, would you hold it against me?
Can you explain why your neighbor’s yard is so messy and overgrown?
“We’d never.”
"Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy."
How does one raindrop ask another out? Water you doing tonight?
Irish I had better jokes.
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