Knock Knock!
Who's there?
Nose.
Nose who?
I nose plenty more knock-knock jokes!
Aww, what's your pup's name? He has such a sweet face.
Pavlov is sitting at a pub enjoying a pint. The phone rings and he jumps up shouting, "Damn, I forgot to feed the dog!"
Why did the Oreo go to the dentist? Because it lost its filling
“When asked about my hiking plan I answered “Let’s summit up”.”
Why do bacon lettuce and tomatoes have the lowest IQ out of all the foods?
Because they're in-bred.
What did one cell say to his sister cell when she stepped in his toe? Mitosis.
Lemonade and iced tea make an Arnold Palmer. What do you get when you Mix Lemonade with a tea bag?
Benedict Arnold Palmer
Where does a fisherman go to get his hair cut?
The fisherman goes to a bobber shop!
Whats the difference between and orchestra and a bull? On the bull the horns are in the front and the a***ole is in the back.
What's a hen's favorite shipping company?
Federal Egg-spress.
You must have a C3 convertase inhibitor because you’re impossible to complement. You’re already perfect.
This headlamp isn’t the only thing getting turned on tonight.
I always get pickle and chutney mixed up.
It makes me chuckle.
Wind carried the sound of two people mocking each other to my ears.
I was in diss-gust.
What would you call a power failure? A current event.
My wife said to me that the spark between us had gone. So, I tasered her, and I’ll ask her again when she wakes up.”
A superconductor walks into a bar. The bartender says, Get out! We don’t serve your kind here.
“Last Thanksgiving, I shot my own turkey. It was fun. That shotgun going, blam! Everybody at the supermarket just staring. Why track them when I know where they are?” —Kenny Rogerson
Hello. Cupid called. He says to tell you that he needs my heart back.
My Ex Girlfriend stole my Hummus.
I told that chick, peace
Just had Lobster Bisque for the first time!
It was souper good!
Who’s there?
Can!
Can who?
Can Of Worms!
"In the family sandwich, the older people and the younger ones can recognize one another as the bread. Those in the middle are, for a time, the meat." - Anna Quindlen
What do you call a blind dinosaur? adoyouthinkhesaurus.
Do you have any plans tonight? If not do you mind If I Jona you than?
We got the news of a coming flood today. The news was leaked.
What did the Apple say to the lemon & lime when he found out they were correct?
Yeah, I guess you’re Sprite
What's an inmates favorite food? Cellery.
Excuse me, do you have a pen?
Then you'd better get back to it before the farmer notices you're gone.
What position does a ghoul play on the soccer team?
Ghoulie!
I used to get so mad when my kitchen appliances leaked
now it's just water under the fridge
Kicking off the afternoon in the best way possible
What happened when the dog ate a firefly?
He smiled with de-light
I think I glove you.
I dig you a hole lot.
I saw the Liberty Bell.
It's not all it's cracked up to be.
You’re the gravy to my turkey.
Why was the artist in an argument? She wanted to have the final clay.
I guess you can say my misunderstanding of Greek mythology has always been my Achilles
Elbow.
"I'm an Easter eggs-pert."
Where do penguins keep their money?
In a snow bank!
A Roman walks into a cafe and makes an "X" with his fingers.
He says, "Ten teas, please!"
“Be like a postage stamp. Stick to a thing till you get there.” — Josh Billings
Why can you tell that Theresa May failed physics?
She had power and time but didn't get the work done.
Were you arrested today? It must be illegal to look so beautiful.
Why did the belt go to jail? Because it held up a pair of pants!
Being uncomfortable with any physical contact, I decided to rent the book “How to Hug” from the library.
Turns out it was Volume 6 of an old encyclopedia.
Me without you is like the Easter egg hunt without the Easter Eggs.
What do you call a stoned, dyslexic crow?
A hybrid
What do you get when you cross a tortoise and a llama?
A turtle-neck sweater.
“Candy is nature’s way of making up for Mondays.”
— Rebecca Gober
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