What do football players wear on their heads? Helminth
Why was Pavlov's hair so soft?
Classical conditioning.
You must be the Easter Bunny, because you’ve got me all egg-cited.
Just like I never play with poop, I promise you that I will never play with your heart.
Hey baby, the sun is not the only thing that rises.
Where do Ghosts travel to for a holiday? South Aarghfricaargh.
Where do ghosts go trick or treating? Dead ends.
Why are obtuse angles so depressed?
Because they’re never right.
What do you call a very religious person that sleep walks? a Roman Catholic
Are you my new favorite song? Because I'd like to hear you on repeat.
What does the visual system use to play basketball?
Eyeballs.
I've got 4 eyes, 3 legs, 1 tail, and 12 toes. What am I?
A liar.
There was a Young Lady of Tyre,
Who swept the loud chords of a lyre;
At the sound of each sweep
She enraptured the deep,
And enchanted the city of Tyre.
The classiest indoor tennis facilities serve bubble tea.
All vampires seem to have the same thing for their last meal. A stake.
What kind of music did the pilgrims listen to?
Plymouth Rock!
"If you don't believe in ghosts, you've never been to a family reunion." - Ashleigh Brilliant
"The only place success comes before work is in the dictionary."
~ Vince Lombardi
A balding magician had an act where he'd put a rabbit on his head and make it disappear...
The hare vanished into thin hair.
You remind me of a thunderstorm: positively striking.
How far can a mango,
If he's got a license but doesn't avocado ?
When the cow forget how to give milk, she was udderly confused.
I told my boyfriend I'd missed the bus.
He asked me what I was trying to hit it with.
Did you hear about the two silk worms in a race?
It ended in a tie.
As the local drunk, I'm quite worried about the corona virus.
It's got potential tequila lot of people.
Your Bosons are giving me a Hadron.
What do you get when if you cross a potato and the terminator?
A termitator.
What happened to the pineapple who was turned down for a date? Crushed pineapple.
Every time I walk into a singles bar I can hear Mom’s wise words: “Don’t pick that up, you don’t know where it’s been.”
Where was Solomon’s temple located?
On the side of his head.
What did the irritated crow said to his fried?
I won't talk to you if you don’t stop ravening.
What is the easiest way to make a banana split? Cut it in half.
What do zebras hold?
Ze boobs.
What happens when a duck flies upside down?
It quacks up
What cut of meat do you get from an extremely tired butcher?
A filet mid-yawn
The real estate in my neighborhood has become so expensive that only cats can afford it.
You need nine lives to pay it off.
Did I just step into an E. M. Forster novel? Because any room with you in it is A Room with a View.
The walnut got in trouble for pecan through the window.
Those soldiers thought they could blow up that submarine with their bomb...
but they needed to sea mine.
Why is a pineapple so attractive? Because it keeps its juices flowing.
What do sea monsters eat?
Fish and ships.
They do it without realizing,
They don't really have a clue,
Reading between the lines,
Is something they just can't do.
When there is an argument,
They think they're always right,
No matter what we say or do,
They didn't start the fight.
They blame it on our hormones,
And never take the rap,
If they call us moody bitches,
Then they get a slap.
(By Jessica Miles)
I think my back hurts. I'm okay though.
It's spine.
The Paddington bears don’t eat lots of marmalade sandwiches because they are already stuffed.
Are you from Sheffield? Because you’re steeling my heart.
A famous turtle is called a shell-ebrity.
Just call me milk. I'll do your body good.
Just finished my first shift as a lion impersonator.
It was a roaring success.
He used to be a doctor but he lost his patience.
What did you have for breakfast?
- rubber balls and liquor!
What did you have for lunch?
- rubber balls and liquor!
What did you have for dinner?
- rubber balls and liquor!
What do you do when your sister comes home?
- rubber balls and liquor!
Go to BabaMail
