What words do windmills live by? One good turn deserves another!
You might be able to use a smuggled cell phone in prison.
You just have to have cell coverage.
What do you call a grandpa flower?
Poppy.
Baby are you an angel? Because I'm a atheist.
Sloths never kiss on the first date, they take it slow.
What do you call a crazy blood-sucking parasite?
A lunatick!
An actor I know fell through the floor recently. It's just a stage he was going through.
What do you call someone who loves dark beer?
Stouthearted.
What do you give a sick snake?
Asp-rin.
Why was the ocean angry? Because the ocean didn't wave back.
Looking for a boyfriend in engineering: the odds are good, but the goods are odd.
What kind of salad do termites eat?
House salad
"I am having an out-of-money experience." ~ Anonymous
I poisoned my wifes pita dip.
The police charged me with hummus-cide.
I'd take that cackhanded banana-bender on a walkabout
What goes white black white black white black red?
A panda that falls from a cliff.
My apologies for not flirting, I'm trying to seduce you with my awkwardness.
What do ghouls drink?
Boos!
I just heard some coyotes outside. I don't want to sleep a lone wolf tonight.
Pizza Love
Pizza, Please?
I Love All Pizza
Sausage ,Pepperoni, Or Cheese
Pizza Love
Its Forever
In My Heart
It Makes Life Better
Pizza Love
Pizza, Please?
I REALLY LIKE PIZZA
Sausage, Pepperoni, and Cheese.
(Camryn Noell)
Why do we enjoy wine jokes?
Because they're de-vine!
It’s your birthday, there is no cure,
Cakes and candles, you must endure,
Quick and painless, let me assure,
A tiny chance, you will be mature,
With this crowd, usually secure,
Random fun, with results obscure,
Liquids we drink, definitely pure,
Goofy friends, minds we tour,
Hilarious birthday, that’s for sure.
(Martin Dejnicki)
Which type of whale can fly?
Pilot whales.
This might sound corny, but I think you’re a-maize-ing.
What does the fish say when she disagrees with her husband?
I don’t quite sea it that way.
I've started a new band called "Blanket".
We're a cover band
What happens to Egyptian girls who forget to take their pills?
They become mummies.
My dog loves designer hand-bags.
So I got him a Poochi.
What is ice cream’s favorite TV show?
Game of Cones.
Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Because you obviously landed on your face.
"There is no income tax in Russia. But there's no income."
— Will Rogers
I’m like the smell of chlorine – I’ll never leave you.
How do you make dog bread?
Just use collie flour.
What do you call a flower with a mouth?
Tulip.
Someone just called my phone, sneezed and then just hung up.
I am getting sick and tired of these cold calls.
“I don’t find health-related puns funny anymore since I started suffering from an irony deficiency.”
When you clean out a vacuum cleaner, you make the vacuum cleaner.
Why did the orange turn into orange juice?
It couldn’t handle the pressure.
What is the most sophisticated class of bread?
The upper crust.
Why didn’t the Romans find algebra very challenging?
Because they always knew X was 10.
Did you know Stephen King has a son named Joe?
I’m not joking, but he is.
What do you call a cross between a joke and a rhetorical question?
What do men and pantyhose have in common? They either cling, run, or don't fit right in the crotch!
Twinkle twinkle little star.
You should know just what you are.
Once you know just what you are,
the mental hospital isn't that far
I love dogs, you love dogs, it's just me or is there some real pet-tential here?
“Never underestimate the therapeutic power of driving and listening to very loud music.”
“You’re my soul Santa.”
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Cheese
Cheese who?
Cheese a nice girl.
Why did the man put his money in the freezer? He wanted cold hard cash!
What’s an orange’s favourite animal? An orange-utan.
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