What is the most disgusting perfume ever made?
Eau de colon.
There was an announcement on the news the other day, we've finally achieved world peas.
Why did the owl join Tinder?
He didn’t want to be owl by himself.
The real reason humans have wrinkly brains?
We've been in the gene pool too long.
When everyone agreed with Hulk at breakfast that they love waffles more, he said, "Not all heroes wear crepes."
Where do ants go on vacation?
Frants.
What do you call it when you brush off the winter snow for the last time?
A spring fling!
I went to Spain to attend the Running of the Bulls, but when I arrived, there was nothing there but cows with fake horns attached.
I was in shambles.
Have you ever been fishing in Lake Michigan? 'Cause we should hook up sometime.
I love you more than the sun and moon
I loved you since you left the womb
I love you though you are quite hairy
And I never find it scary
Even when you pick your toes
My love for you only grows
(Anonymous)
Good work, we’re raising your annual celery
Over the long journey and having overcome many hardships together, the Pilgrims’ bonds strengthened and they all became pretty good Palgrims.
(we'll show ourselves out)
What does the Yeti do when he is tired?
Himalaya down.
Vampires make awful businessmen. They just can't deal with the stakeholders.
I left my job at the keyboard factory today. To be honest, I had been looking for an Escape for a while.
Look who’s turning 100,
Your life couldn't be brighter,
With enough candles on your cake,
You have the world's best lighter.
(Kevin Nishmas)
The gang of crows used a crowbar to break into the house.
No costume? Oh you lucky girl, you don’t need Halloween. You look like an angel every day.
What do you call a gassy cowboy?
Wyatt Burp.
Man: "If I could rearrange the alphabet I would put U and I together."
Woman: "They got it right the first time with the N and O."
“I’m not retiring, I am graduating . . . retirement means that you’ll just go ahead and live on your laurels and surf all day in Oceanside. It ain’t going to happen.” – Junior Seau
Why are fish so smart Because they swim in schools!
“My sister’s expecting a baby, and I don’t know if I’m going to be an uncle or an aunt.”
- Chuck Nevitt
Q. Why are orange jokes so dumb?
A. Because oranges are afraid to concentrate.
What do a witch and a candle have in common?
They're both wicked.
Which bird is the most contented? The crow, because he never complains without caws.
My boss has just fired me for making too many Asian jokes.
Oh well!! That's the end of my Korea.
Take a pitcher. It'll last longer.
"I love you no matter what you do, but do you have to do so much of it?" - Jean Illsely Clarke
I started carrying a knife after an attempted mugging.
Since then, my muggings have been far more successful.
What goes inside elves’ pointy shoes?
Their mistletoes.
What keeps ghouls happy?
The knowledge that every shroud has a silver lining!
I will never have the audacity to choose a career path for my children.
It's their responsibility to choose which Medical School they'll graduate from.
My wife claims that she can wax my chest hair without me feeling any pain at all.
I don’t think she’ll be able to pull it off.
Today I learned that a giraffe’s neck is so strong a human can climb up it.
Also, I got banned from my local zoo.
Genie: "I shall grant you 3 wishes."
Me: "I wish for a world without lawyers."
Genie: "Done, you have no more wishes."
Me: "But you said I had 3!"
Genie: "Sue me."
Yellow butter, purple jelly, red jam, black bread.
Spread it thick, say it quick!
Yellow butter, purple jelly, red jam, black bread.
Spread it thicker, say it quicker!
Yellow butter, purple jelly, red jam, black bread.
Don't eat with your mouth full!
Who were the first cheese lovers ever?
Edam and Eve.
I have bean
thinking about you.
Vikings weren't exactly the best at drinking contests.
They were quite MEADiocre.
What did the electrical engineer say when he got shocked? That hertz.
Guy walks into a tailor shop to pick up his suit. The tailor hands him a jacket and pair of pants. The guy says “But I had a 3-piece suit.”
Tailor says “The vest is yet to come.”
Why do Pencils shave?
To look sharp.
What do you call a crocodile that keeps breaking the law?
A crookadile.
What do you call related toilet rolls that sleep together?
Napkins.
Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
Because it was dead.
Woman turned down the marriage proposal of a gardener. She wasn't ready to shear her life with him.
What did the fans say to the band named after a famous chickpea spread?
Hummus a tune.
My family wanted me to cut the grass, but I couldn't get myself mow-tivated.
Marriage, it has a nice ring to it.
Go to BabaMail
