What did the motivational speaker say?
Don’t take life for granite.
Why do basketball players love cookies? Because they can dunk them!
Believe in your elf.
"The greatest thing in family life is to take a hint when a hint is intended and not to take a hint when a hint isn’t intended.”
- Robert Fros
Why can you never use a serve receive pattern against a sniper? They’d all start running for cover.
I have a fear of speed bumps. But I am slowly getting over it.
“Doing nothing is very hard to do… you never know when you’re finished.” — Leslie Nielsen
You stole my heart, so can I steal your last name?
What is the favorite Mexican food of snowman?
Brrrr – itos.
What did the baby chicken say when he saw his mother sitting on an orange?
Dad, look what marma-laid!
Why was the teenager deer a bad driver?
He didn’t want to use the deering wheel.
“I meditate and do yoga. I sit cross-legged and try not to levitate too much.” – Jeremy Brett
Wow, we really matched? I guess we’re simply Seb-posed to be
A blond meets up with a friend as she's picking up her car from the mechanic.
"Everything ok with your car now?"
"Yes, thank goodness," the blond replies.
"Weren't you worried the mechanic might try to rip you off?"
"Yeah, but he didn't. I was so relieved when he told me all I needed was blinker fluid!"
What type of window do donuts prefer in their homes?
Double glazed.
Have you heard about the guy who made a bomb out of a brain?
It was pretty mindblowing.
“A lot of Thanksgiving Days have been ruined by not carving the turkey in the kitchen.” —Kin Hubbard
Did you know that a group of crows is called a murder?
Well, technically it’s only a murder if there’s probable caws.
Six sick hicks nick six slick bricks with picks and sticks.
The girls next door gave me a Rolex for my birthday.
But I think they misunderstood when I said I wanna watch.
What do you call a gassy cowboy?
Wyatt Burp.
"On cloud wine."
“If you could kick the person in the pants responsible for most of your trouble, you wouldn’t sit for a month.”
Theodore Roosevelt
A lobster's favorite shot in tennis?
The lob.
Thanks to you, I’m saddled with unnecessary peelings.
Why did the nose cross the road?
Because he was tired of getting picked on.
Why does a golf teacher want you to keep your head down? So you can't see him laughing at you.
My mum used to feed me alphabet soup when I was a kid
She insisted on me telling everyone that I loved it.
I didn't really, she was just putting words in my mouth
Julia tells her husband, "James, that young couple that just moved in next door seem such a loving twosome.
Every morning, when he leaves the house, he kisses her goodbye, and every evening when he comes homes, he brings her a dozen roses.
Now, why can't you do that?"
"Gosh," James says, "why I hardly know the girl."
“Leaders who don’t listen will eventually be surrounded by people who have nothing to say.” – Andy Stanley
I tried to come up with a joke about social distancing but this is as close as I could get.
“I’ve drank multiple cups of coffee, and Monday isn’t looking any better. Hey – give me a beer. Let’s see if that helps.”
What do you call a boat full of polite football players?
A good sportsman ship
What do tigers sing at Christmas?
Jungle bells! Jungle bells!
What do you call a gingerbread man with one leg bitten off?
Limp Bizkit.
What is a koala’s favorite exercise?
Bearobics.
Why are environmentalists bad at playing cards? They like to avoid the flush.
How many second violinists does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They can’t get up that high.
Where do you store peach juice? Inside of a peach-er.
What did one Japanese man say to the other? I’ve no idea, I don’t speak Japanese.
Learning how to collect trash wasn’t hard.
I just picked it up as I went along.
Are you my new favorite song? Because I'd like to hear you on repeat.
What’s worse than one crocodile coming to dinner?
Two crocodiles coming to dinner.
I wonder why theatres are so sad? They're always dark, moody, and in tiers.
“Help…I’ve ran out of weekend!”
– Unknown
What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing - but it let out a little whine.
Today I learned some people have a phobia of flushing the toilet.
That must be a sh***y phobia to have.
Couple of friends have decided to put theatre style seats in their house. It will end in tiers.
I like New York, unique New York, I like unique New York.
Did Spotify fix their mistakes? Because you will no longer be the hottest single after you spend time with me tonight.
Go to BabaMail
