“If there’s one thing I’ve learned from hiking, it’s that the early bird gets the face full of spider webs.”
"I was thinking about how people seem to read the bible a lot more as they get older, and then it dawned on me—they’re cramming for their final exam."- George Carlin
What did the witch say when the door-to-door broom salesman showed her a vacuum.
I don't want an automatic. I want a stick shift!
Are you tired? Because you've been running through my mind all day with a frisbee in your mouth.
I didn’t know that my favorite Halloween treat came in life size!
I was mad on the toilet this morning since I was running late, and I thought to myself...
I don’t have time for this crap!
Apparently my password needs to be capitals only so I've changed it to LONDONMADRIDROME.
“I chose the road less traveled and now I don’t know where I am.”
My wife keeps telling me to stop pretending to be butter.
But I'm on a roll now.
What's easy to get into but hard to get out of? Trouble
Did you hear about the misbehaving unicorn? Sure, but I never though that these creatures could get so horny.
That look soots you.
My brother, who is an IT guy, got surgery done on his fingers. Now he can truly be called a tech-knuckle support guy.
"Yoga class helps me calm down from the agonizing stress of trying to get to yoga class on time."
– Sadhguru
Which sea creature gives the best hugs?
A cuttlefish
You're so sweet, your giving me cavaties.
The vampires were in a mood, so I thought I'd do something to cheer them up. They were over the moon that I re-vamped their castle.
What do you call a fishing boat with a great stereo?
bass boat.
What is a monkey's favorite cookie? Chocolate chimp!
What steps do you take when you see a tiger running towards you? Big ones!
A knight bursts into a blacksmith and yells "You smelt my armor!"
The blacksmith was calm and collected and replied: "Yes, and what a lovely scent it had."
If I had a rose for every time I thought of you, I would be walking through my garden forever.
Are you a dollar bill? Because you’re single.
What do you get when you cross Sonic The Hedgehog and Curious George? 2 Fast 2 Curious
What time is it Julius? 8:02 Brutus.
Babe, I just checked Spotify. It says you're this week's hottest new single.
"I like long walks, especially when they're taken by people who annoy me"- Fred Allen.
Why was the crow on the telephone wire? To make a long-distance caw.
What do you call a toilet perched on top of an active volcano?
The lavatory.
What do you call spooky mascara
Mascarea.
here was a dog owner named Mark
Whose beagle would constantly bark
The neighbours would moan
They’d steal Benji’s bone
And toss it away in the park.
Did you hear about the scared kangaroo?
Yeah, he was a bit jumpy.
Get me some cooling aloe gel, because you are making me as hot as a sunburn.
Why can't men get mad cow disease? Because they are pigs.
My office chair broke. It’s letting me down.
There once was a girl from Dubai,
who desperately wanted to fly.
But whenever she flapped,
that girl got so chapped,
that poor littl girl from Dubai.
How many tickles does it take to make a squid laugh?
Ten-tickles!
"I may be an outlaw, darling. But you're the one stealing my heart."
- Brad Pitt, Thelma, and Louise (1991)
“I got a compliment on my driving today,” said a blond to her friend.
There was a note left on my windshield it said “parking fine”.
What vehicle has 4 wheels and flies?
A garbage truck.
Flashier Great Tits Produce Stronger Sperm, Bird Study Shows.
Did you hear about the computer virus that was programmed by a cat?
It's considered meowware!
What is the popular Christmas carol in Desert? Camel ye Faithful.
"The politicians say 'we' can't afford a tax cut. Maybe we can't afford the politicians."
— Steve Forbes
What did the pizza say when it asked the topping out on a date?
I never sausage a beautiful face.
Where do school-going vampires carry their books?
In bat-packs.
What is a teddy bear’s favorite Thanksgiving food?
Stuffing!
I heard kissing is the language of love so...
Do you wanna start a conversation?
"If this is coffee, please bring me some tea; but if this is tea, please bring me some coffee."
– Abraham Lincoln
How do I know many hundreds of digits of pi greek and not the 7 digits of your phone number?
Go to BabaMail
