I know an elephant who refused to travel by train because he didn’t want to leave his trunk in the baggage car.
Up for some action? I can finish with one touch.
What do you call a baby monkey? A Chimp off the old block.
What did the Indian boy say to his parent before going into self isolation?
Mumbai.
I've never made an incomplete pass, and I hope you won't be my first.
"Go, and never darken my towels again."
What do polite whales always say?
You’re whale-come.
There's this subject called chemistry
how it works is a total mystery
it is an atom
says my madam
but all I see is my misery.
(By Faaizah)
Why did you fall in love with the Paris art museum? It was just Louvre at first site.
“The greatest lesson in life is to know that even fools are right sometimes.”
– Winston S. Churchill
What was the inscription on the tomb of Frankenstein’s monster?
HERE LIES FRANKENSTEIN’S MONSTER. MAY HE REST IN PIECES.
A well-loved parrot died, and was digitally immortalized in a 3D rendering.
Polygon but not forgotten.
What’s does a winged horse like to munch on?
Pe-grass-us.
It’s so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say and then don’t.
What is the name of the Hollywood movie that stars an "outlaw" brain and an "outlaw" woman on a road trip?
Thalamus and Louise.
What did one chandelier say to the other?
I have friends in the high places.
How do you make a dinosaur float? Put a scoop of ice cream in a glass of root beer, and add one dinosaur.
Car puns are really tiring
When Chuck Norris smokes a joint
the weed gets high of Chuck Norris.
I put the ‘laid’ in Adelaide.
“It doesn’t matter how low the dollar will go, I will always bend down and pick it up.” ~ Anonymous
What does the Statue of Liberty stand for?
Because it can't sit down!
You’re sweeter than fructose.
What do cats eat on hot days?
Mice cream.
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
I’m a schizophrenic,
and so am I.
How did the calf’s final exam turn out?
Grade A.
What do skeletons complain about?
Aching bones.
Why did the chicken cross the road? It was playing crossy road.
I had a tattoo of a Scorpion on my back last night and to tell the truth...
It stings like hell.
"Don't worry, be hoppy."
I've started a new band called "Blanket'
We're a cover band
George Burns
First the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me.
My dad was born as a conjoined twin, but the doctors managed to separate them at birth.
I have an uncle, once removed.
“Kilometers are shorter than miles. Save gas, take your next trip in kilometers.”
– George Carlin
HIJKLMNO is the formula for water
H to O.
Why do demons and ghouls hang out together?
Because demons are a ghoul's best friend.
My mom: son, why did I find "how to delete your history" in your history?
Me: because it was useless.
What is yellow on the inside and green on the outside? A banana dressed up as a cucumber !
Can you tell me the oxidation state of this atom? If you can’t, then you can tell me your phone number instead?
My car smelled like bacon when I got home.
My porking brake was on.
King Arthur's Round Table was built by Sir Cumference.
Are you my appendix? Because I don't understand how you work but this feeling in my stomach makes me want to take you out.
Why did the fish cross the road? Cause it was hooked!
“Statistically…. 9 out of 10 injections are in vein.”
You are like an electron and I am like a proton. And they say that opposites attract.
What do you call a sleeping bull? A bulldozer!
What did the cook say after making stir fry at a playground?
"It was a wok in the park."
What is the fastest fish in the water? A motopike
How did the fire ant feel after the rain storm flooded his home?
Very put out, indeed!
How do you save a drowning otter? Take your foot of its head
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