Dublin’ the fun.

A crossword compiler named Moss,
Who found himself quite at a loss.
When asked, Why so blue?
Said, I haven’t a clue
I’m 2 Down to put 1 Across.

Love me do

Fall hardly happens here, but You'll be falling for me.

How do you know the tooth fairy is a journalist?
They're always searching for the tooth.

I was supposed to play the trumpet
But I blew it.

An elderly gentleman pulls up his sweatpants, shuffles into the bar, sidles up to a sweet young thing maybe one fourth his age, and with his most winning smile, asks
"Do I come here often?"

“Monday I shall slay thee with my mighty cup of coffee.”

What do you call a lazy baby kangaroo?
A pouch potato.

Where does Santa stay when he goes on vacation? At a ho-ho-ho-tel.

A cross-eyed teacher can't control his pupils.

Who is running the corona virus relief?
WHO??

Want to become my new personal best?

It's really hard for me to plan our wedding without your number.

When banana growers are heart broken, what do they sing? What else but Peelings?

My dog won’t get off the PlayStation He’s been playing Fi-fur all day.

Why can't Woody play his guitar?
He doesn't know where his Pixar.

I did it! Dad said to save my money til my balance looks like a phone number.....
Available balance: $9.11.

Libya changed its plain green flag to a crescent moon, but I think they'll change it back.
It's only a phase, after all.

What kind of lunch do moms never prepare in the morning?
Their own.

Why are street thugs so good at basketball?
Because they know how to shoot, steal, and run.

What do sea monsters eat?
Fish and ships.

"The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made."

Who said that the pyramids are the tallest structure in Egypt? They are just between pyra-highs and pyra-lows.

Pies aren't the new cupcakes, baby. You are.

What is the name of the device that the king uses to control the moat around his castle? A remoat control.

My wife told me: “You’ve got to stop watching so much TV, and read more!”...
so I turned on the closed captioning.

There was an Old Man of Columbia,
Who was thirsty, and called out for some beer;
But they brought it quite hot,
In a small copper pot,
Which disgusted that man of Columbia.

Why did the whale cross the ocean?
To get to the other tide.

The Mozart Effect: Makes a child smarter and more mathematical along with a higher IQ
The Haydn Effect: Child is witty and quick on his feet, quite often bringing a grin to the faces of those around him. Despite this he exhibits remarkable humility.
The Bach Effect: Child memorizes Scripture and says his prayers every day; may overwhelm listeners with his speech.
The Handel Effect: Much like the Bach Effect; in addition, the child may exhibit dramatic behavior.
The Beethoven Effect: Child develops a superiority complex and is prone to violent tantrums; is a perfectionist.
The Liszt Effect: Child speaks rapidly and extravagantly, but never really says anything important
The Bruckner Effect: Child speaks very slowly and repeats himself frequently. Gains a reputation for profundity.
The Grieg Effect: This child is quirky yet cheery. May be prone toward Norwegian folklore.
The Ives Effect: Child develops a remarkable ability to carry on several separate conversations at once.
The

Asked my friend why a knife is his favourite utensil.
He said “a spoon and a fork just don’t cut it”.

"Finland has produced so many brilliant distance runners because back home it costs $2.50 a gallon for gas."
Esa Tikkannen

Why should the Sun get into a school? To get brighter.

What kind of keys does a kid skeleton use on Halloween? Cook-keys.

Q: Why is a carrot orange and pointy?
A: Because if it was green and round, it would be a pea!

My name is Romeo, will you be my Juliet?

I just watched Sunday Night Football.
There were Lutz and Lutz of field goals.

What do you call a secret group of llamas?
The i-llama-nati.

Will you let me be the avocado in your turkey sandwich?

Why don't we head to my bedroom, peel back my Star War sheets, and discover what a true Jedi can do with his lightsaber?

What do you do if a running back swallows the football?
You have to get him to cough it up!

Why did the farmer hang raincoats all over his orchard? Someone told him he should get an apple Mac

Where did the mermaid go on a date?
She was catching a movie at the dive-in.

Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Lee
Lee who?
Lee me alone - I've got a headache!

Which servant of God was the worst lawbreaker in the Bible?
Moses. He broke all 10 commandments at once.

What do you get if you cross a worm and a young goat? A dirty kid.

Hey, so how do you spell your name?
OK, and how do you spell your number?

I was born to be a pessimist. My blood type is B Negative.

How did the space criminal escape from the prison planet?
He achieved escape velocity.

A little less conversation, a little more action please.