If this new covid vaccine works...
...It'll be a real shot in the arm for 2021.
“Medidation, because some questions can’t be answered by Google.” — Inner Balance Wear
If I told you that you have a wonderful antibody, would you hold it against me?
You’re the gravy to my turkey.
I feel uncomfortable next to my fridge
It's way too cool for me
Hold up, I don't want to fall for anyone else but you, so let me tie my shoes now.
How would you be able to prevent a summer cold?
Catch it in the winter!
I know someone who tried to run away after camouflaging a railway. He tried to cover his tracks.
What's the difference between a colonoscopy and an endoscopy?
The taste.
"If you don't believe in ghosts, you've never been to a family reunion." - Ashleigh Brilliant
What is a Ghost’s favourite toy to play with? Leg-oooooooooooooooo!
Are you made of beryllium, gold, and titanium? Because you are BeAuTi-ful.
Have you guys tried kangaroo beer?
It’s a little hoppy.
"A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand."
— Barbara Johnson
Hey there cyclist, is that your kickstand, or are you just happy to see me?
When you clean out a vacuum cleaner, you make the vacuum cleaner.
Have you heard about the chocolate box thief? He’s always got a few Twix up his sleeve.
I hooked a stereo up to my recliner.
Now it's a rocking chair.
Red ship hits Blue ship...
Sailors marooned.
My doctor forgot to document my blood type.
It was a typo.
Did you fall from heaven? Because so did Satan.
Bank Drive-in Window Blocked by Board
It’s so cold I walk to school with a toaster in my pants.
What game do some skiers like to play on the road trip to the slopes?
Ice Spy With My Little Ice.
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Italy!
Italy who?
Italy all over in the morning.
What did the koala say to his girlfriend?
I love you-calpytus.
What various kinds of fishes live in space? Starfish.
“My formula for success is rise early, work late and strike oil.” JP Getty.
How did the avocado feel after a day at the gym?
Hard core.
There are some things that you just cannot say with a straight face.
"I am having a stroke" is one that comes to mind.
“Mom, what do we have for this dinner?” – “I cannot tell you. It is a little soup-prise, son!”
Some call them opponents. We call them victims. It sounds like you have the right mindset to succeed on the court!
How do you make Pig Jerky?
Give them some coffee.
You’re under arrest for not giving me your number.
May I tie your shoe?
Because I can't have you fall for anyone else.
What do you call a group of dyslexic crows?
A redrum.
Yellow butter, purple jelly, red jam, black bread.
Spread it thick, say it quick!
Yellow butter, purple jelly, red jam, black bread.
Spread it thicker, say it quicker!
Yellow butter, purple jelly, red jam, black bread.
Don't eat with your mouth full!
"My idea of exercise is a good brisk sit."
- Phyllis Dille
Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible?
Samson. He brought the house down.
In history class, the teacher taught said the Magna Carta was signed in 1215 and to write an essay on it. A student handed in his work with "The Magna Carta was signed in 1215" written 150 times.
The teacher asked the boy, "Why did you write this?" The boy replied, "Because you always say that history repeats itself!"
What do vampires do when they are trying to fall asleep?
Count Draculas.
How do you know you’ve been visited by a possessed rabbit? He leaves deviled eggs.
I used to play triangle in a reggae band but I had to give it up. It was just one ting after another.
What did one raindrop say to the other? Two's company, three's a cloud
I don't know don't about your faucet, but mine is doing a pour job.
What do elves use in the kitchen when they are cooking?
Kitchen u-tinsels!
I just want you to know: I think you're El Salvadorable.
We’re not socks, but we make an excellent pair.
What do you call a Mexican who lost his car?
Carlos.
The village blacksmith finally found an apprentice willing to work hard for long hours. The blacksmith instructed the boy, “When I take the shoe out of the fire, I’ll lay it on the anvil; and when I nod my head, you hit it with this hammer.”
The apprentice did just as he was told. Now he’s the village blacksmith.
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