Are you a locksmith? Because you hold the key to my heart.
It’s so cold I saw a gangsta with his pants pulled up.
Why do donuts hate puns so much?
They donut like to joke around!
He threw three free throws.
What did the Mountain lion say to the bathroom attendant?
Out of the way, I’m about to Puma pants!
I was thinking of making an investment on a new farming venture that feeds marijuana to cows instead of grass.
The steaks will be too high for sure.
What do you call Bigfoot from Canada?
Sasquatch-ewan.
Why couldn’t the teddy bear finish his dessert?
Cause he was stuffed.
"Today’s goals: Coffee and kindness. Maybe two coffees and then kindness."
— Nanea Hoffman
What does pooh eat at parties?
Blue bear-y pie.
I was alone in the bath.
Imagine my surprise when I felt a tap on my shoulder!
Q: How do you store water?
A: Cloud storage.
"I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining."
“She is the only evidence of God I have seen, with the exception of the mysterious force that removes one sock from the dryer every time I do my laundry.”- St Elmo's Fire
Why does no one react when the Queen farts?
Because it’s a Noble Gas!
“I find being a Pisces a bit of a rollercoaster sometimes! I can talk myself right in and right out of any decision, any subject, any time.”
— Mary English
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Control freak.
Co…
You should say "Control freak who" now.
What is a monkey’s favourite cookie?
Chocolate Chimp!
Why do onions have poor self-image?
Because people cry when they get onions naked.
Why should you you stand on the service line? So that you can order ice cream.
There was a recent study showing that crows were hit a lot more by trucks than cars...
they came to the conclusion that this was because crows can warn each other by going "CAAAR CAAAR" but can't say "TRUCK TRUCK".
One more thyme.
Why did the blonde run backward?
She wanted to gain weight.
What did the Endoplasmic Reticulum say to the Golgi. I like your body, and the Golgi said it's complex.
Are you like this mountain? Because I can’t seem to get over you.
How do you communicate with a fish? Drop him a line!
Why did the blonde take a camera to bed? To record what she was going to dream that night.
Why did the skeleton have to testify in court?
Because he was a body of evidence.
"Every time I look at you I get a fierce desire to be lonesome."
- Oscar Levant
What did the flower say after he told a joke?
I was just pollen your leg!
I thought I won the argument with my wife as to how to arrange the dining room furniture... But when I got home, the tables were turned
I’ve been working on my poop art recently...
It’s pretty sh**.
Whenever the peach gets angry, it looks at my face and screams: “You are just a peach of sh*t!”
They say March comes in like a lion and goes out like a lamb. Ewe might say it leaves sheepishly.
“Did you hear the forecast for Christmas Eve? They’re calling for rain, dear!”
The stormy weather affected my ability to remember my alphabets. I remember A, B, C, D, and F but I misty.Someone got hurt from a fistful of grass thrown at them with force. When they pressed charges, the cops charged the culprit with physical grass-ault.
Oh autumn, please don't ever leaf me again.
"Parenthood: That state of being better chaperoned than you were before marriage." – Marcelene Cox
It is October and there are still leaves on trees. I am very corn-fused!
What kind of fish do Penguins catch at night?
Starfish.
What all kinds of stars wear the sunglasses? The movie stars.
I started a company selling land mines that look like prayer mats.
Prophets are going through the roof.
Are your legs tired from spinning, or because you've been running through my mind all day?
“Having a baby dragged me, kicking and screaming, from the world of self-absorption.”
- Paul Reiser.
Police chief: Do you have any leads or suspects for the murder case? Me: I'd like to interview the bartender wearing high heels and a leopard print dress.
Police chief: Please just wear your police uniform.
Why is Jupiter so sad and heartbroken? Because his crush wants a plutonic relationship with him.
Who wears red and brings catnip to sleeping kittens? Santa Claws!
There is nothing impaws-sible if you’re as brave as a tiger!
You’ve got beauty like Petit Champlain and curves like Bonhomme.
If you mix a ghost and a cow together, you will create vanishing cream.
Go to BabaMail
