Yetis have declared their own independent state in the Himalayas.
It's an abomi-nation.
Did you hear about the circus fire? Yeah, it was in'tents'.
What do you call a dinosaur that drinks curry? A Mega-sore-arse.
What do you call a musician with problems? a trebled man.
How does the moon cut his hair?
Eclipse it.
People tell me I have a good breaststroke, but I'd say I'm a pretty good swimmer too.
What flies around your light at night and can bite your head off?
A tiger moth.
"Women cannot complain about men anymore until they start getting better taste in them."
- Bill Maher
What do penguins eat for lunch?
Ice burg-ers.
Should a gun company rename themselves "Question"?
That's a loaded Question
My husband slapped a fly off the door and said 'Not on my watch!'
I told him "That's a door"
"Love is a two-way street constantly under construction."
- Carroll Bryant.
"Even bad coffee is better than no coffee at all." — David Lynch
Do you work for NASA? Because you're out of this world.
What did Mr. and Mrs. Citrus name their daughter?
Carolime
There are so much beautiful sceneries near the river valleys. They are totally gorges.
There was a Young Lady of Norway,
Who casually sat on a doorway;
When the door squeezed her flat,
She exclaimed, 'What of that?'
This courageous Young Lady of Norway.
I made some fish tacos last night....
But they just ignored them and swam away.
I like you about 1/18 as much as I like a Pumpkin Spice Latte, which is to say “I love you forever, let’s get married.”
What type of pool do mechanics like best?
The car pool!
I whale always love you.
I don't like cutting up a peach. I think it's because of the pits.
"If it weren't for the fact that the TV set and the refrigeratir are so far apart, some of us wouldn't get any exercise at all"- Joey Adams
What do neurons do on their birthdays?
They cell-ebrate
Where does a thrifty Frankenstein get his limbs?
At the second-hand store.
Okay, here’s the deal: I’ll let you take the last stuffed crust frozen pizza if you let me take you to dinner. At your house. Where we’ll be having frozen pizza.
When I was a student, I was worried that my housemates would be annoyed if I ran off with some of their kitchen utemsils. But that was a whisk I was willing to take.
Lost on a mountain, you can collect rainwater to drink during storms.
Otherwise, you just have to make dew.
What do you call a bat with ebola? African batman.
There once was a [person] from [place]
Whose [body part] was [special case].
When [event] would occur,
It would cause [him or her]
To violate [law of time/space]
Are you a carbon sample? Because I want to date you.
You can put your hands at my heart’s center.
Did you hear about the ghost comedian? He was booed off stage.
What type of dog chases anything red?
A bull dog.
Which channels do the asteroids like to watch? The comet-y channel.
You are really talented. You should join a punk-croc band.
What did the maggot say to another?
What's a nice maggot like you doing in a joint like this?
What did the ghoul say to the clown on Halloween?
Tag, you’re it!
I don’t have a controller,
And I don’t have a screen,
I don’t need to be plugged in,
I’m not grey and green.
I can’t make sound effects,
Or visuals that are fantastic,
You can’t put me on a shelf,
Because I’m not made of plastic.
However, I do have curves,
Will keep you entertained all the same,
You can’t insert a disc,
But we can make our own little game.
(Sarah Allen)
Lost at sea? I'm not shore.
Why do donuts make terrible teachers?
They’re always glazing over the important stuff.
Roses are red, potatoes are brown; you are my favorite spud in the whole town!
What did daddy ghoul say to his youngest son?
Stop ghouling around!
Repetition is the Mother of learning.
So who's the father?
Daddycation.
Went on a diving trip with strangers and found a sunken vessel. We're all pitching in to salvage and rebuild it.
I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friend-ship.
You’re photos are so great, would it be weird if I made you my screen Xavier?
One bowl of soup said to the other, "Hello Broth-er".
What happened to the plane run by a computer?
It crashed.
"There's always something to be thankful for on Thanksgiving. Even if it's just not being a turkey." -Unknown
In a conversation between one pin and another, one said, “Let us never split.”
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