What is a cow’s favorite lunch meat?
Bullogna.
Tony, where do I even starch? I yam so happy we’re best spuds!
Baby, you make my rover raise its mast into a vertical position.
What did the Egg say to the boiling water? It's going to take awhile to get me hard I just got layed by some chick!
Did you hear about the broadcasters in the aeroplane?
They're on air now
Why is Facebook like jail? You have a profile picture, you sit around all day writing on walls, and you get poked by guys you really don't know.
What did the duck do after he read all these jokes?
He quacked up.
This is one spray-cation to remember.
What did the LEFT Stereo Speaker say to the RIGHT, as he was being taken away for repairs
AUDIOS!
"What does it mean to pre-board? Do you get on before you get on?"
- George Carlin
What’s something a kangaroo has that no other animal has?
Baby kangaroos.
What do you call a magician that lost his magic?
Ian.
Death Causes Loneliness, Feeling Of Isolation
What did the puppy say to his mum?
I woof you.
You could say I have an hour glass figure
It takes me an hour to figure out where my glasses are!
My mind works like lightning.
One brilliant flash and it's gone.
Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?
He woke up.
You and I are in love
So when you laugh
I laugh
You cry, I cry
You scream, I scream
You run, I run
You smile, I smile
You jump off a bridge
I’m going to miss you.
(Unknown)
“I’m from Canada, so Thanksgiving to me is just Thursday with more food. And I’m thankful for that.” —Howie Mandel
What do you call a glass robot that is good at physics?
A new-clear physicist.
I know why Solomon had 600 wives, because he never found you.
"A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet for her birthday."
— Erma Bombeck
What do fruits look for at a talent show? A berry that can really cherry a tune.
The man who invented the door knocker won a no-bell prize.
On Big Ben. “It’s just a big clock? I don’t understand all the hype with this clock. It is literally just a clock. It’s going to be a digital one in thirty years anyway. ”
— Montgomery Smith
Did you know that doctors that perform circumscisions don’t make a lot of money for those operations?
They only get paid in tips.
What happened to the pineapple who was turned down for a date? Crushed pineapple.
If you need an Ark, I Noah guy.
For you men who think a woman's place is in the kitchen, remember... that's where the knives are kept.
There was an Old Man with a beard,
Who sat on a horse when he reared;
But they said, "Never mind!
You will fall off behind,
You propitious Old Man with a beard!"
Q: Why did the tiger eat the lamp?
A: He wanted a light lunch.
Where do rocks like to sleep? In bedrocks!
What do you call leftover lettuce?
The romaines.
“There is no such thing as bad weather, only different kinds of good weather.”
– John Ruskin
Why did the volleyball players line up from shortest to tallest? The coach wanted the team to switch from a 5-1 line up to a 6-2.
Which heavy metal band is Santa's favourite?
Sleigh-er.
How do ski instructors get to work?
By icicle.
You know you’re getting old when…
When all you want for your birthday is to not be reminded of your age.
Prince Charles is selling his towel.
If anybody wants a heir dryer...
What did Sherlock Holmes say to Watson when he noticed sandstone deposits on the river bank? "It's sedimentary, my dear Watson."
We have a great connection since you’re wifi-material.
“I need a vacation so long, I forget all my passwords!”
Are you a Gingersnap/Eggnog Latte? Because I want to bring you home for the holiday.
Q. What haapens if a gorilla sits on your piano?
A. You get a flat note.
Why are big boats called "Yachts"?
Because they cost "Yachts of money".
I hate when I have to stop scuba diving
If makes me deep-pressed
Did you hear about the battery and the volleyball who got into a fight? The volleyball is waiting to go to church and the battery was charged.
"You can live to be a hundred if you give up all things that make you want to live to be a hundred." - Woody Allen
“If I'm ever being chased by a giraffe I'm gonna run into a place with low ceiling fans. Sorry, giraffe, but I gotta do what's best for me."
- Amber Tozer
What did the disappointed deer say? Oh deer!
Go to BabaMail
