Five syllables here.
Seven more syllables here.
Are you happy now?
What do you call an anthropomorphic animal blended in ice cream?
A McFurry
Roses are red. Bromothymol is blue. My love for you doesn’t have an endpoint.
Why does Britain like tea so much?
Because tea leaves.
Let’s commit the perfect crime together.
I’ll steal your heart and you can steal mine.
What is a crows favorite vegetable?
Corn on the caawb.
“I think yoga should be for everyone, not just the folks who change their name to something Hindu.” — Tara Stiles
Why was the crow on the telephone wire? To make a long-distance caw.
You are sweeter than 3.14.
I’m a man at a farmers' market. Of course, I’m a catch.
What competition do nuts participate in?
The peanut butter cup.
Sorry, but you owe me a drink. Why? Because when I looked at you, I dropped mine.
“I put my phone in airplane mode, but it’s not flying!"
Chuck Norris doesn't play "hide-and-seek." He plays "hide-and-pray-I-don't-find-you."
That Kenyan black smells wonderful! May I try it? Normally I stick to English Breakfast, but I’m always open to experimenting.
What should you do if you see a blue banana?
Try and cheer it up.
What's the difference between the Christmas alphabet and the ordinary alphabet? The Christmas alphabet has Noel.
I love you meow and forever.
What do you get if you cross a mouse with a Triceratops? Enormous holes in the base boards.
How about a kanga-root?
Why did the bunny build herself a new house? She was fed up with the hole thing!
"As we grow older, our bodies get shorter and our anecdotes longer." - Robert Quillen"
How do medieval cathedrals clean their mouths before bedtime?
They gargoyle.
Mom, you’re so awesome,
I’d never want to trade,
You’re the best mother there ever was,
And I’m the best child ever made!
Beavers enjoy being in the company of a river because they go with the flow.
"You deserve better and so do I."
“Why do married people live longer than single people? I think it’s because married people make a special effort to live longer than their partner—just so they can have the last word.”—Janet Periat
Will you come to my place? You can sure lower my heating bill with your hotness.
What do you call James Bond taking a bath?
Bubble 07
What did the judge say when a skunk walked into the courtroom?
"Odor in the court!"
"If you were to open up a baby’s head – and I am not for a moment suggesting that you should – you would find nothing but an enormous drool gland." – Dave Barry
What does a straw and a view have in common?
You can get a paper straw and you can also get pay per view.
Remember the one about people queuing up for drinks at Old Faithful's birthday party?
You're not missing much; the punch line blows.
What would you call an elf with lots of money?
W-elfy!
It’s so cold we didn’t clean the house, we just defrosted it.
What did the father say whilst teaching his kid to tie his shoelaces?
Knot bad
There's a South American country where they have a rare pepper. Instead of being hot when you eat it, it makes your mouth feel cold.
It's called the Chilly Chile Chili.
Why did the troll kiss the witch?
To keep her busy in love!
Why can't TLC be nurses?
Because they don't want no scrubs.
I’ve never understood fog machines.
They mystify me to this day.
You should dress up warm in the Andes. That place is Chile.
Why are football players not allowed in bowling alleys?
After getting a strike, they spike the ball.
My father and I were leaving our hotel room in Iraq and he almost forgot his suitcase.
I said "Don’t forget your Baghdad."
A surgeon was about to perform heart surgery when he received notice that the replacement was delivered to his house!
Home is where the heart is.
I lost my future girlfriend's phone number.
I think you might have it.
There is nothing impaws-sible if you’re as brave as a tiger!
Having chicken broth before the game was a sure shot way to maintain energy for the Soup-er Bowl.
Q: Patient: Doctor, sometimes I feel like I'm invisible.
A: Doctor: Who said that?
How does a Ghost say good-bye? - I can’t wait to seance you again.
I wish I was your coronary artery so that I could be wrapped around your heart.
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