I don’t need to be a doctor to diagnose you with acute smile.
What did the zombie get when she was late to dinner?
The cold shoulder.
Federer is such a legend that they named the Roger’s Cup, and Fed Cup after him.
National Herbs and Spices Day is celebrated annually on June 10.
What did the cloud say to the rainbow? Thank you for adding color to my day.
Where do American trees like to go for vacations in Canada? Montreeal.
“Halloween” = an excuse for girls to dress up like sluts.
Tricks aren’t really my thing. But you’re sure a treat.
How do sheep greet each other during the holidays? Fleece Navidad!
I like older men because they've gotten used to life's disappointments. Which means they're ready for me.
What does the sun drink out of?
Sunglasses!
Me: Dad, can I turn the air-conditioner on?
Dad: did you shampoo it first?
What kind of light goes around the earth? A Satel-lite.
What do Penguins sing on a birthday?
Freeze a jolly good fellow.
Are you an astronaut? Because I need some space.
It's really easy to learn white water kayaking
You just go with the flow.
“You know why fish are so thin? They eat fish.
- Jerry Seinfeld"
What's a bee's favorite novel?
The Great Gats-Bee
Without you, I’m like a null set… Empty.
Are you being a ghost for Halloween, or are you just my boo?
What do you call an elf that joins the 11 other elves in Santa’s workshop?
The twelf!
What did the baby rabbit say before his favorite holiday? I carrot wait for the Easter Bunny to visit.
“If you think your boss is stupid, remember: you wouldn’t have a job if he was any smarter.” — John Gotti
What do you call a gorilla with a machine gun ?
Whatever it wants to be called.
What does a vampire do after taking a shower?
It stands on a bat mat.
Affogato? Afforgeto where I am when I'm with you.
“Time spent with cats is never wasted.”
- Sigmund Freud
What do baseball players eat their backyard BBQ on?
Home plates.
Here today, lepre-gone tomorrow.
If at first you don't succeed, try twice more so your failure is statistically significant.
What happened when the dog ate a firefly?
He smiled with de-light
What was the turkey suspected of? Fowl play.
Rich people are born with a silver spoon in their mouth.
But polite french people are born with a s'il vous plaît.
I love when you coddle me.
How do the elves clean Santa's sleigh on the day after Christmas? They use Santa-tizer!
I sang the rainbow song to a cop yesterday.
They arrested me for colorful language.
On his deathbed, my granddad said to me, "Remember these two words. They'll open a lot of doors for you in life."
"Push and pull."
There once was a man stuck in a stall,
He tried to get out but would fall.
One day a man flushed,
The fat man just blushed,
And quickly ran out of the mall.
What did the deer say after he finished eating?
“That was deer-licious!”
I’ve been working on my poop art recently...
It’s pretty sh**.
What did the horse say when it saw a sheepdog?
“Why is your furlong?”
Why was Mozart a child prodigy?
All his early pieces were in A sharp minor.
A young man had just returned home from culinary school and was telling his family about everything he had learned.
"The most interesting thing I learned was about the French Fry", he told them.
"Combing through historical records, we found that it was not first fried in France!"
His family was astounded, and asked where it was fried originally.
"In Grease, of course."
How did the tigers greet the other animals in the jungle? "Hey! Pleased to eat you."
My friend has an insect parasite that can't stop fidgeting as it sucks blood.
He has a nervous tick.
What do you call an onion who decides to be very eco-friendly in its approach? You name it a green onion.
I’d like to buy a catamaran or a yacht.
I’d like to get the best of boat words.
Why doesn’t the squirrel accept cash or credit at his store? Because it only accepts cash.
What was Michael Jackson's favorite Spanish food?
Jamon!
“Namastay 6 feet away.” – Unknown
Go to BabaMail
