What do you call two peas in a pod?
Peepee
What is the study of real estate? Homology
The walls in this tennis factory are so thin, that when I try to get some work done, all I hear is people making a racquet.
What do you call a dentist in the army? A drill sergeant
Are you the Godiva store? Because you seem sweet and way too fancy for me.
The game of golf is 90-percent mental…
And 10-percent mental.
My love for you is like this hike. It goes on and on.
If your imagination hits peak high and you combine a toadstool and a suitcase, you won’t have mushroom for your vacation clothes.
Where did the dog leave her car?
In the barking lot.
What was the event of the onion family getting back together called as? A family reonion.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
It was bored of just standing there.
Wanna go out sometime? I think we’d have Avery fun time together
How do little avocados get what they want?
They spread it on thick.
“A lady’s imagination is very rapid; it jumps from admiration to love, from love to matrimony in a moment.” - Jane Austen, 'Pride and Prejudice'
What's the similarity between a sailor and a thief?
Both have a phobia for sirens.
After making love the other night, I told my spouse that I love when the whisper sweet things in my ear...
So my spouse leaned in close and whispered..."Syrup."
Ski Area Pick-Up Line: Hey baby, know what I have in common with this new powder? 8 inches.
I can’t believe I framed the ball in for a winner. Shank you!
“Inflation is when you pay fifteen dollars for the ten-dollar haircut you used to get for five dollars when you had hair.”
Sam Ewing
So yesterday I saw a bottle of ketchup steal a bottle of mustard
'Twas saucepicious
It's so hot out that I cleaned my fridge just so I could hang out in my fridge for a while.
Why were medieval people from Mexico such good engineers? This is because they learned in Aztech!
When do vampires like horse racing?
When it's neck and neck.
“You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance.” —Franklin P. Adams
Hey, are you Cinderella because I see that dress disappearing at midnight.
A person with a very blocked nose walks into a doctors office.
The doctor says: "So, you're having mucus problems?"
The person replies: "perhaps, perhaps snot.
Excuse me, I seem to have lost my phone number, can you do the same?
Why did the bus driver take a long break? He needed a wheel-y good rest!
Who brings the monsters their babies?
Frankenstork.
"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it."
Why was the potato put in an asylum? It was starch raving mad.
Yule be sorry.
Chuck Norris never retreats; He just attacks in the opposite direction.
Any noise annoys an oyster but a noisy noise annoys an oyster more.
Why did the acid go to the gym?
It wanted to become a buffer solution.
Chuck Norris drinks napalm to fight his heartburn.
How do you know you in "love" with spicy food? After getting to third basil.
The police came to arrest me after I tried to play my cat like a violin
They are charging me with Kitty Fiddling.
Why did the blind seal get eaten by the orca?
Because he couldn’t see that whale.
I went to the Veterinarian today.
She really knew how to make my dog heal.
What do you call bears with no ears?
B.
It’s not you – it’s me. I don’t like you anymore.
I’m not part of the Prohibition Movement. You can speakeasy to me.
If I told you that you have a wonderful antibody, would you hold it against me?
I dislike toilet paper because...
They're tearable.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Double
Double who?
W!
Knock knock!
Who’s there? Doughnut. Doughnut Who? Doughnut forget to close the door!
I heard kissing is the language of love so...
Do you wanna start a conversation?
Why did the two Irish men fight amongst themselves?
They can’t find any other worthy opponents.
Q: What happens to a cherry tree when it grows up?
A: It blossoms
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