What is it called when a cowboy dies and comes back to life?
Reintarnation
What do you call the process of naming the various species of dwarves, faeries, trolls, etc?
Binomial gnomenlature.
There’s an earthquake in my heart, and you’re the epicenter.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Harry.
Harry who?
Harry up, it’s cold out here!
What's the slogan for the New York Demon Chomping Advocacy Group?
Gobble the ghoul.
I asked a beaver out on a date. The beaver replied: “Gnaw.” I said: “Dam.”
I am a peach, and when my husband accompanies me, we are a pear.
What hotel do mice stay in ? The Stilton
Are you French? I want to take a french kiss from you.
Are you my phone charger? Because without you, I’d die
If I live to a hundred and two, I won't let nobody sting me but you
Why do mice need oiling?
Because they squeak!
There are many grounds religious children can practice their soccer skills. However, most of them love the prayground.
Do you know why you need to get up early? Because you’re the sunshine.
What was the worm doing in the cornfield?
He was going in one ear and out the other!
Why did the bees go on strike? Because they wanted more honey and shorter working flowers.
The summer sun makes me as happy as a clam at high tide.
You must be a summoner, cause I can feel a powerful creature rising... in my pants!
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
I’d rather be dead
Than stuck with you!
Icy what you did there!
Wedding cake tastes just like Birthday cake
It just takes more commitment.
I just had a pint of kangaroo beer
It was a bit too hoppy for me
How does the weather tie its shoes? Witha rainbow!
Why did the Pilgrims want to sail to America in the spring?
Because April showers bring Mayflowers!
Whenever fall arrives, leaves start changing their color autumn-matically.
My wife challenged me to a game of strip poker, but it turned out she just wanted to do laundry.
So I folded.
I once knew a priest that only ate microwave soup.
He was a Ramen Catholic.
Why was the whale so sad?
The fish was said because he was a Blue whale!
Where do bugs go to watch the big game? Apple-Bees.
Just like Evan, this match is also the cure
I feel bad for toilets.
They go through a lot of s**t
Our love started with a Hershey’s Kiss.
The artist successfully climbed the highest peak in the country. He attributed his success to the song, 'Paint No Mountain Higher!'
What do you get when a penguin lays an egg on a hill?
An eggroll.
There was an Old Man of Kilkenny,
Who never had more than a penny;
He spent all that money,
In onions and honey,
That wayward Old Man of Kilkenny.
Q: What game show did pharaohs like the most?
A: The $20,000 pyramid.
How do you circumcise a whale?
You send down four skin divers.
Don’t be distracted by criticism. Remember, the only taste of success some people get is to take a bite out of you.” – Zig Ziglar
Q: Which basketball players eat fruits?
A: The ones who like to cherry pick.
A blond meets up with a friend as she's picking up her car from the mechanic.
"Everything ok with your car now?"
"Yes, thank goodness," the blond replies.
"Weren't you worried the mechanic might try to rip you off?"
"Yeah, but he didn't. I was so relieved when he told me all I needed was blinker fluid!"
Where does a dinosaur lay in the sun? At the dino-shore
Flight attendants fly with a very meaningful motto: always look on the flight side of life.
What kind of cookies do vulcans love? Spockolate chips.
There was once a jolly happy mountain that offered fantastic advice to a grumpy hill. "Change your altitude", he said!
How did architects earn a living in ancient Egypt?
Pyramid schemes
What’s the best meal to eat in an igloo?
Brr-eakfast!
If I got 50 cents for every failed math exam, I’d have $ 6.30 now.
What is a monkey's favorite cookie? Chocolate chimp!
"Quit worrying about your health. It'll go away." —Robert Orben
I wish you were on the football team because I'd love to see your backfield in motion.
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