What do you call someone who owns a boat dealership?
A Sailsmen.
How fast can a cave become vacant? At the drop of a bat.
You don't need to waste your time on that treadmill, you've been running through my mind all day.
Their soccer team and the US navy had one thing in common, they both spent over $50 million on a sub.
“I find that ducks’ opinion of me is greatly influenced by whether I have bread."
- Mitch Hedberg
What did the patient say after that gave blood?
I feel drained.
What do they call the fairy in the Mexican version of Peter Pan?
Taco Bell.
You know, you might be asked to leave soon. You're making the other women look really bad.
Why did the American student spend his year in European brothels?
To study a broad.
A man who plays golf to forget about work will soon go to work to forget about golf.
What do you give three-hundred-pound gorilla for his birthday?
I don't know, but you better hope he likes it.
What goes: vroooom-schreech, vrooom-schreech, vroooom-schreech? A blonde at a flashing red light
There was an Old Man in a boat,
Who said, 'I'm afloat, I'm afloat!'
When they said, 'No! you ain't!'
He was ready to faint,
That unhappy Old Man in a boat.
Brace yourselves kids!
Our dentist is shutting down.
Whats a bad flower pick-up line?
Lets put our tulips together?
“People who say they sleep like a baby usually don’t have one.”
- Leo Burke.
Which servant of God was the worst lawbreaker in the Bible?
Moses. He broke all 10 commandments at once.
In another town, the cowboy rides in wearing a paper suit. Paper pants, paper jacket, paper chaps. Even a paper holster!
He wasn't in town ten minutes before he was arrested for rustling.
It's so hot I saw an Amish guy buy an air conditioner.
Whenever my wife is upset I let her color in my black and white tattoos
She just really needed a shoulder to crayon
How do you make a rabbit float? Put soda, syrup, and milk into a glass. Add one rabbit.
Have you heard the joke about the butter? I better not tell you, it might spread. How do baseball players stay cool? They sit next to their fans.
“Grandparents are there to help the child get into mischief they haven’t thought of yet.”—Gene Perret
When you go with an army general onto a bowling alley, he will start bowling even before you enter his name on the scoreboard.
“The worst moment today has happened. That was when the alarm went off and I realized it was Monday.”
How many tacos can an octopus eat?
Ten tacos.
I should change my name to Billy and get a job as a radio show presenter.
Then I can finally be a Billy-on-air.
What would you hear at a cow concert?
Moo-sic.
What do you call two spine bones that are friends?
Vertebros.
My dad used to be an airline pilot, but he decided to retire because it got too Boe-ing.
Even if I was T-Rex, I would find a way to hug you.
Why was the computer late to work? Because it had a hard drive!
Why can't inmates read a clock? Because it's hard time.
Angel, I want to run all the way with you.
Have you seen the new movie with the Dachshund?
Apparently it’s an Oscar Weiner.
Asked my wife to dress up as a nurse tonight...
to fulfill my fantasy that we have health insurance.
"The best abs exercise is five sets of stop eating so much..."
– Lazar Angelov
Why was the skeleton a success at work?
He had a head for business.
Chuck refers to himself in the fourth person.
How do crabs evade taxes?
They set up shell corporations.
What do you call a cow with no legs at all? Ground beef
What’s another popular Christmas song that baby koalas like to sing? “Joey to the World”, of course!
“New York is an exciting town where something is happening all the time — most, unsolved.”
Johnny Carson
I sprayed a mosquito with mosquito repellent.
Now it has no friends.
Are you squiding me right now?
“Silence is golden…unless you have kids, then silence is just suspicious.” - Anonymous
Why don’t cows drink artificial milk? It’s too pow-dairy.
Went to a railway fancy dress party. Everyone was wearing platforms.
“Everyone knows that if you’ve got a brother, you’re going to fight.”—Liam Gallagher
All doggies go to heaven (or so I’ve been told).
They run and play along the streets of Gold.
Why is heaven such a doggie-delight?
Why, because there’s not a single cat in sight! (Larry Huggins)
Go to BabaMail
