Cherry pie can be a bit aggressive. Rumor has it they go around saying, “Hey! You want a piece of me?”
Are you a verb? Because you look a little tense, but I can put you in the mood.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Amish!
Amish who?
You're not a shoe!
Why do witches only ride their broomsticks at night?
That's the time to sweep.
I like to reminisce about the surgeon who removed my spine.
Really takes me back.
Does anyone know where we find the handmade Mother's Day gifts the school sends out each year?
I checked my kids' backpacks like usual but they weren't there.
How do you tell the difference between a violinist and a dog?
The dog knows when to stop scratching.
"There's always something to be thankful for on Thanksgiving. Even if it's just not being a turkey." -Unknown
A lot of William Shakespeare’s plays were based off of old Greek and Roman performances
That's playgarism if you ask me.
My magical watch says you aren’t wearing any panties. Oh, you are? It must be an hour fast!
I only lost 2 pounds while taking laxatives for a colonoscopy.
I guess I'm not as full of crap as I thought.
Q: What do you do with unruly green kids?
A: Make them do limeout.
The worst moment for the atheist is when he is really thankful and has nobody to thank. -- Dante Rossetti
Dad Bee left. Mama Bee calls out ...
Honeycomb home!
“Be like a postage stamp. Stick to a thing till you get there.” — Josh Billings
Why Don't Gymnasts Use Towels?
Cause they dumbbell dry.
How can you tell a vampire likes baseball? Every night he turns into a bat.
Why does every watermelon want to be in the Guinness book of records? Because there’s a lot of watermelon smashing to be done.
Why can't guitars have fun with friends with benefits?
Because without strings attached they just can't play...
What did the deer say after she saw her Amazon bill?
“I spent too much doe!”
My Ex-wife called me to tell me my son was arrested for setting a house on fire. I corrected her saying...
Arson.
Why did the dragon cross the road?
He was dragged on by his mum.
When I asked my History teacher if he knew about Einstein's origin and history, he said, "I am relatively aware of it."
How will you make the earth clean? By giving it a meteor shower.
If life gives you melons, you might be dyslexic.
I tried to taste the hot light bulb
But I got my tungstenned.
Propranolol is red, digoxin is blue. My heart skips a beat when I see you.
"It is the dull man who is always sure and the sure man who is always dull."
— H.L. Mencken
What do you call a group of killer whales carrying musical instruments.
An orca-stra.
Everyone knows Albert Einstein because of his research in physics. But most people don’t know about his brother who did research in monster making...
His name was Frank.
“Never underestimate a child’s ability to get into more trouble.”
- Martin Mull.
I used to believe in natural theology, but since I met you I've converted to divine revelation.
What kind of money snowmen use in the North Pole?
Cold cash!
You are just like my car because you drive me crazy.
Son: I was really Hungary and I ate the whole Turkey. There is only Greece left.
Me: I couldn’t Bolivia!
Whoever discovered calculus sounded a bit derivative.
What did Detective Duck say to his partner?
“Let’s quack this case.”
There once was a koala who could run at a speed of more than 800 miles per hour. He was the first koala to break the sound bearier.
It’s pretty plane and simple… I really think we could take off.
People who want to share their religious views with you, almost never want you to share yours with them. -- Dave Barry
My neighbor said a man walked into my garden and stole my mangoes.
I am wondering where did that mango.
What happens when no one comes to your birthday party?
You can have your cake and eat it too.
Q. Which sweet dessert is banned from the menu at the Deer Cafe?
A. Chocolate Moose.
Me: I’d like to book an appointment at the hospital please Receptionist: how about 10 tomorrow?
Me: no I don’t need that many, only one thanks.
Q: What is a wind turbine’s favorite musical group?
A: Air Supply
People didn't smile for pictures in the early days of photography...
It was frowned upon.
Why did the blonde give up online shopping?
The trolley kept falling off the computer.
Chuck Norris once heard that nothing can kill him
So he tracked down nothing and killed it.
Here is my libary card, because im checking you out.
“What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees, and he told me about the butcher and my wife.” – Rodney Dangerfield
Go to BabaMail
