What did one slice of bread say to the other at their wedding?
Let’s grow mold together.
What did the tiger say to her cub on his birthday?
It’s roar birthday!
An atom loses an electron...
It says, "man, I really gotta keep an ion them."
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Jester
Jester who?
Jester silly old man!
You know what they say, wheat fields are made for sowing.
Why did the horse cross the road?
To get to the apple store.
What do you call a cat on the beach at Christmas time? Sandy Claws!
What is an energy provider’s favorite dance?
The electric slide.
What did the motivational speaker say?
Don’t take life for granite.
What do you see when an elephant hides behind a tree?
The trunks
What did E.Ts mother say to him when he got home?
"Where on Earth have you been?"
Where do you imprison a naughty skeleton?
A rib cage.
My dad is going through heart failure, and the first text that I get from him after sending him a card says:
“No more corny jokes, now just corn-orary jokes.”
Imagine if Americans switched from pounds to kilograms overnight.
There would be mass confusion.
"Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy."
Why was the crow on the telephone wire? To make a long-distance caw.
What’s black and white and goes round and round?
A panda stuck in a revolving door.
You know what I saw today? Everything I looked at.
"Love thy neighbor—and if he happens to be tall, debonair and devastating, it will be that much easier." - Mae West
-
I wanted to marry my English teacher when she got out of jail.
But apparently, you're not allowed to end a sentence with a proposition.
Join us for plenty of play action.
The high school music teacher was controversial for having his students read band books.
"Marry a man your own age; as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight." – Phyllis Diller
Some roses are red
Some violets are blue
Some say love is blind
And I know this is true
If you think this is a lie
Just look at me and you
I could have dated myself
But instead I chose to love you
(Anonymous)
Did you hear about the panda that had a slight stutter?
Seems it’s a story that bears repeating.
The sweetest and fruitiest historical wonder of the world is the Grape Wall of China.
Kicking Baby Considered Healthy
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
What do you call a chameleon that can't change colors?
A reptile dysfunction.
What kind of button won't unbutton? A bellybutton!
Why did the flower take her husband back after he cheated?
She rose above it.
One day, a fourteen-year-old weasel walked into a local pub. The bartender took one look at him and says, “You are underaged. I can’t serve you beer.”
The weasel asks, “What can I have?” The bartender replies, “I have bottled water, juice, energy drinks, and pop.”
“Pop!” goes the weasel..
I'm no organ donor, but I'd be happy to give you my heart.
How many consultants do you need to change a light bulb?
You’ll get an estimate a week from Monday.
Why did the pirate captain want to hire a baseball player?
He knew he had a chest protector.
Why can't your nose be 12 inches long?
Because then it'd be a foot!
Which monster plays the most April Fool’s jokes?
Prankenstein.
How do ski instructors get to work?
By icicle.
Where does Santa stay when he goes on vacation? At a ho-ho-ho-tel.
Hey, would you like to be lab partners? It would be a pleasure to do some anatomy and biology experiments with you.
My favorite sport is bowling cause I always strike out with girls.
Q. Why was the baby gorilla such a big brat?
A. Because his parents are big apes.
Why did the birthday cake go to the doctor?
Because it was feeling crumby!
What does a baby volcano say to his volcano mother?
Magma
“Some taxpayers close their eyes, some stop their ears, some shut their mouths, but all pay through the nose.”
— Evan Esar
At a restaurant, the peach said, "Hey, I would like a peach of cake for dessert, thank you!"
Why did the ghost decide to become a vegan?
Because it's super natural.
It’s your birthday, there is no cure,
Cakes and candles, you must endure,
Quick and painless, let me assure,
A tiny chance, you will be mature,
With this crowd, usually secure,
Random fun, with results obscure,
Liquids we drink, definitely pure,
Goofy friends, minds we tour,
Hilarious birthday, that’s for sure.
(Martin Dejnicki)
How do the Skywalkers like their bath water?
Luke-warm.
The fisherman was playing his out-of-tune guitar.
Luckily he caught a Tuna
Go to BabaMail
