You can never get short balls over the net! Solution: Drop shot from arsenal.
What do you get when you sit under a cow?
A pat on the head.
Why were the axons bothered by myelin?
It was getting on their nerves.
I don’t always like to tell dwarf jokes. But when I do, I like to keep them short.
Why is green ice cream so serendipitous?
It was mint to be.
How are air conditioners like humans?
Both get turned on when it's hot.
If they could prove cell phones give deadly radiation
You could say to people you don't like "cant talk right now, you're giving me cancer".
I found a wooden shoe in my toilet today.
It was clogged.
I had a nasty crash with a truck carrying construction equipment the other day. It really hit me like a ton of bricks.
Why shouldn’t you lend a geologist money?
They consider a million years ago to be Recent.
"Slow runners make fast runners look good. Thank you."
From the back of a T-shirt
I never knew how lightning worked
Thats until it finally struck me.
Prepare to be bowled over.
Did you know there's a college in the brain for hippopotami?
It's called the Hippocampus.
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically,
"Relatives of yours?"
"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."
My wife and I split up.
She got the “U” and I got the “P”
Why do mice have long tails?
Well, they’d look silly with long hair!
I'm not anti-social.
I'm just not user friendly.
What did Sherlock Holmes say to Watson when he noticed sandstone deposits on the river bank? "It's sedimentary, my dear Watson."
Where do saplings go to learn?
Elementree school
A man walks into a bar. “Ouch.”
What happened to the pig who liked pineapple? He turned into a porky-pine!
"The difference between death and taxes is death doesn't get worse every time Congress meets."
- Will Rogers
What do two cherries say when they get married? I promise to cherry-ish you forever.
What does a confident kettle have
Self-e-steam
"Trouble"
Better never trouble Trouble
Until Trouble troubles you;
For you only make your trouble
Double-trouble when you do;
And the trouble-like a bubble-
That you’re troubling about,
May be nothing but a cipher
With its rim rubbed out.
– David Keppel
Some local engineers took a train for a service, but the vicar said it was blocking the aisle.
A train track and a motorway walk into a bar. The train track says “a pint for me, please, and one for the road.”
Are you wearing space pants? Because your a** is out of this world.
Would you sit on my feet while I do push ups?
I really like corn, but I can't find it because this time of year it's never in stalk
Are you Darth Vader, because I wouldn't mind if you used a little force to choke me.
Have you ever heard of mushroom cars? Well, they have an interesting sound which goes line shroom shroom!
“All the things I like to do are either immoral, illegal, or fattening.” —Alexander Woollcott
What kind of dance do single people do on Valentine's Day?
The Independance!
How do you get a baby alien to sleep?
Rocket.
Why couldn't I fry wood on the stove?
I used a non-stick pan.
What happens when a Mexican gets to the worm? He passes out.
How do you learn more about spiders that live in the rainforest? Check out their web site!
I recently got told ketchup doesn't actually use tomatoes
But I can't find a reliable sauce on that.
What did the electrician use to moisturise his hair?
Air conditioner.
What do Mexicans wear on their heads in the pool?
Swimbreros.
I was selling my bike and an interested buyer asked what’s lowest I’d go.
"About 3 mph," I said, "otherwise I’d tip over."
You should call us butter because we are on a roll. This would be one of the best volleyball puns to put on a T-shirt.
Each Easter Eddie eats eighty Easter eggs.
What did the triangle say to the circle? Your pointless!
What is an owl’s favorite Beatles’ song?
Owl you need is love.
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
Abraham Lincoln
My wife just now: Do men's ears actually work or are they just for decoration?
Me: 'What?'
I’d like to tell a joke about salt but then said to myself: "Na."
I could’ve sworn I had your number. I guess you’re going to have to put it on my phone again.
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