In Pamplona, Spain, the people may be running from the bulls, but the bulls are running from Chuck Norris.
“Some of our greatest historical and artistic treasures we place with curators in museums; others we take for walks.”—Roger Caras
Want to practice speaking in tongues with me?
What did the cherry say to the cherry pie? I really crust you.
When I was in basic training we couldn't have salt or pepper.
Those were reserved for the seasoned veterans.
I've never seen the inside of my ears...
But I've heard good things.
What does a vampire bat call a bloodmobile?
Meals on Wheels.
What does a penguin where to the beach?
An ice cap.
I don’t know what I’d do without you, but starting tomorrow I’m going to give it a try.
"Love thy neighbor, just watch out for thy husband." - Unknown
One ear of corn says to the other, “I think I have a stalker.”
The other corn replies, “Thats amaizing! Is he cute?” The ear replies, “No, too husky!”
“I’m like Pacman when I’m at a party, I eat everything and run away from anyone coming close to me.”
― Unknown
Chuck Norris’ cowboy boots are made from real cowboys.
What do you call a cold penguin?
A Brrr-d.
I own a big fat cat-
The fattest for miles around.
Wherever there's lots of food,
That's where he'll be found.
He's really good at eating.
It's a talent, I suppose.
I'm sure if he keeps at it
He'd win the talent shows.
I own a big fat cat-
He weighs at least a ton.
He couldn't run to save his life.
Yes, he isn't much fun.
His favourite room's the kitchen.
(I'm sure we all know why.)
He eats just about everything,
So that's why, with a sigh...
I'd like to tell you, Teacher,
I'd like to tell you straight,
I might have "accidentally" dropped
My homework in his plate.
(By Christian M. Mitewu)
How did Benjamin Franklin feel when he discovered electricity?
Shocked!
What did the Japanese skeleton put in his sushi?
Bone-ito flakes.
They say one man's trash is another man's treasure. I hope you find someone who treasures you.
Need an Ark?
I Noah guy.
What do you call it when a giraffe swallows a toy jet?
A plane in the neck.
What do you call an Arab next to a cow?
Milk Sheikh.
"Having a good hare day."
What is the most desirable kitchen appliance?
A hot plate.
Have you heard about the new his & hers toothpaste?
The flavor is "mint to be".
“Sunshine and happiness go together like fish and chips!”
― Catherine Pulsifer
Why did the strawberries turned red? Because they saw the salad dressing.
I wasn’t sure if I ordered enough tacos from Taco Bell.
So I got a just in quesadilla.
“Watching your daughter being collected by her date feels like handing over a million-dollar Stradivarius to a gorilla.”
- Jim Bishop.
We can share my yoga mat so we can become one.
What did the Bluetooth say as the ship went down?
"Help! We’re syncing!"
What is the best way to make gold soup? By adding 22 carrots in it.
What kind of cat always crosses the road?
A jaguar.
How are baseball umpires and angry chickens alike?
Both make fowl calls.
I once knew a man who lived in a jar.
For a stranger sight you’d have to go far.
I asked him once why he lived in a jar.
He grimaced and said, how bizarre you are.
My jar’s so cozy, warm and bright,
Even in the full moonlight.
The only drawback is, you see,
Getting out quickly when I have to pee.
(Irwin Mercer)
What do you call an alligator that has all the other gators at the swamp crown around him?
A congregator.
What happens when you try to eat 5 candy bars at once? You're gonna choke alot.
When you come across a werewolf with no legs, how do you call it? Call it anything because it cannot chase you!
"By 35, if I’m not engaged or already starting a family, I declare myself the aunt who’s always traveling & comes to family events tipsy."
Why did the mommy and daddy werewolves call their son “Camera”?
Because he was always snapping at things!
Why did the egg go to school?
To get egg-ucated.
How do you stop Canadian bacon from curling in a frying pan?
Take away its tiny brooms
Q: What’s red and goes up and down, up and down?
A: A cherry in a lift.
“There is nowhere morning does not go.”
– Leah Hager Cohen
What's a cow's favorite moosical note? Beef-flat
What do you get if you cross a sheepdog with a rose? A collie-flower!
“Friendship is not a big thing, it’s a million little things.”
— Unknown
When astronauts die, the local papers run an orbituary.
Strawberries are considered to be the most bullied fruits because they're always getting picked on.
What did the woman say when she escaped Dracula’s clutches?
- Better luck necks time!
This weekend, I will watch a new Irish movie based on a marathon runner who only ate potatoes. It is called Starch Trek.
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