eople say they never get hungry at the beach
That’s because there’s sand, which is everywhere.
How busy was the donuts day? It was jam packed!
"And I want to thank you for all the enjoyment you've taken out of it."
What did snow white say when she came out of the photo booth?
Some day my prints will come.
Two friends were hanging out. One asks the other: "Hey, do you know about the famous detective that can't do bowel movements?"
The other friend replies: "No sh** Sherlock, of course I do!"
Normally my species is cold blooded, but around you I am hot blooded.
Are you a centripetal force? Because you make my world go round.
"Don’t worry about what other people think. They don’t do it very often."
Anonymous
I always feel like a winner in France, which is great because I hate Toulouse.
What football team do energy providers root for the most?
The Chargers.
Thought I saw a zebra in a field near my house recently, turned out to be a horse in his pyjamas.
What is the most depressed river in Southern Europe? The Crimea River.
“What’s the use of happiness? It can’t buy you money.”- Henry Youngman
What did the worm say to his friend when he got stuck in pumpkin?
Worm your way out of that one!
The sweetest and punny name to call a pig is Mudpie.
What type of underwear does a yard wear?
Lawngerie.
Why was the chef surprised that anyone like her bread?
She thought it was crumby.
Why don't bananas snore? Because they don't want to wake up the rest of the bunch.
What do you say when you go to a dinner with a bunch of osteopathologists?
Bone appetit!
What did the manager say to the realtor who kept forgetting to sign the agreement?
He said, "Just do the deed."
I have a lot of respect for fans of football teams that consist of only ghosts
They have a lot of spirit.
How did architects earn a living in ancient Egypt?
Pyramid schemes
Why did the mathematician work from home?
Because he could only function in his domain.
When you mix a salt and water, you get a solution. When you mix a salt and battery, what do you get?
Arrested.
Where's a pickle's favorite place to go in London?
Pickle-dilly Square.
Hey, I don’t know what you think of me but I hope it’s X-rated.
A Tibetan monk sees the face of Jesus in a tub of margarine.
He immediately raises his eyes to the heavens and exclaims "I can't believe it's not Buddha!"
If I kissed you on one cheek, would you turn the other?
Why does it take a million sperm to fertilize one egg?
They really are too damn proud to stop and ask for directions.
What do you call it when someone hits avocados repeatedly with a hammer?
Gu-whack-a-mole-e.
"Our party has been accused of fooling the public by calling tax increases 'revenue enhancement'. Not so. No one was fooled."
— Dan Quayle
Angry cows are usually responsible for giving the farmer sour milk.
Why do old artists never die? They just put things in perspective.
Who is Medusa’s cheesy cousin?
Gorgon Zola
How does a potato win at Street Fighter? By mashing the kick button.
What do you call an overweight alien?
An extra cholesterol.
Why do dogs find it hard to work the TV remote?
Because they always hit the paws button.
Vampires love cookies too, they love No-stake cookies.
Why couldn't the man 3D printing his face control his excitement?
He was getting a head of himself
How did the realtor compliment his wife?
He said, “Real estate values will go up and down, but you will remain beautiful forever.”
Why couldn’t the dragon eat his birthday cake?
He destroyed it while trying to blow out the candles.
After a day of entertaining the troops, the Dallas Cowboys cheerleaders meet with the base commander to discuss the rest of the evening.
“Would you girls like to mess with the enlisted men or the officers this evening?” the commander asks.
“I don’t think it matters to the ladies,” the head cheerleader says, “but I’m sure a lot of the girls would like to get something to eat first.”
You must be a broom, cause you just swept me off my feet.
How do you make a goldfish old?
Take away the “G”!
Why did the hen lay her egg on the axe?
She wanted to hatchet.
What keeps ghouls happy?
The knowledge that every shroud has a silver lining!
"Food is an important part of a balanced diet." —Fran Lebowitz
What do pups eat in Italy?
Pawsta.
What kind of doctor checks ghost poo?
A ghost-roenterologist.
What do you call dudes who love math?
Algebros.
Go to BabaMail
