What do you call the people that you eat grass and produce milk alongside?
Cow-workers!
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Amanda
Amanda who?
A man da fix your sink!
Hey baby, are you the Earth? Because all things are attracted to you...
Do you comma here often?
“The more you’re loving and understanding, the more your kids will sing.”
- Maxime Lagacé
I had a rainbow for lunch. I'm trying to eat light.
What’s the difference between an alligator and a crocodile?
Alligators will see you later, crocodiles in a while.
What do penguins sing at a birthday party?
Freeze a Jolly Good Fellow.
“I heard about a trend where, this Thanksgiving, people made tiny turkeys. You may know them by their other name: chicken!” — Jerry Seinfeld
What do you get when you hghyphotocopy fruit?
Paper jam.
Knock, knock.
Who’s There?
Impatient cow.
Impatient cow wh-?
Mooooo!
“Don’t accept your dog’s admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.”
- Ann Landers.
Why did the girl smear peanut butter on the road?
To go with the traffic jam!
What do you call a man who lives in a bathroom?
Lou.
Your beauty is a singularity. The force of attraction between us is so powerful.
I’ve been going through a lot of sh** lately
I hate my job as a plumber.
This coffee is too strong. How about a kiss because you are the only sugar I need.
What happened when Dr. Frankenstein swallowed some uranium?
He got atomic ache.
I always knock on the fridge before opening it.
Just in case there's a salad dressing.
"The art of taxation consists in so plucking the goose as to obtain the largest amount of feathers with the least amount of hissing."
- Jean-Baptiste Colbert
What holiday do bats love best?
St. Bat-rich’s Day.
On scale of one to 10, you’re a poutine.
Tell me of this thing you humans call... (dramatic pause) love.
How did the sheep farmer become best in his field?
Shear luck.
My friend always sleeps with his head on a bag of rice
He said it was a type of pilau.
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
What Do You Call A Clever Duck?
A wise quacker
Why did they take Polly away?
He went crackers!
When do chickens go to bed?
Half past hen!
How do you know you’ve been visited by a possessed rabbit? He leaves deviled eggs.
What do murderers drink? Cruel-tea.
What’s the best way to settle church disputes?
With canons.
Why did the blind man always use paper cups?
He has no need for glasses.
There once was a lad from West Philly
Who played basketball and got silly
He fought with some brothers
Which worried his mother
Now he's know as Bel Air's Fresh Prince, Willy
You know you’re getting old when…
When all you want for your birthday is to not be reminded of your age.
The circle is just the most ridiculous shape in the world.
There's absolutely no point to it.
Can I wear your plaid flannel when I make you breakfast tomorrow morning?
You are the hottest thing since sunburn.
Where does Google keep their ships?
In the Google Docs.
What did the street cheese say after he got attacked by several blades? I've felt grater.
When whisking something, do it with caution.
It’s whisky business.
I got sacked from my job at the guillotine factory today
It’s a cut throat business
Yesterday, I changed a light bulb, crossed the street, and walked into a bar.
My life is a joke.
What do you call a self-obsessed egg?
An eggomaniac.
“As I learned from growing up, you don’t mess with your grandmother.”—Prince William
I accidentally sprayed deodorant in my mouth.
Now when I talk I have a weird axe scent.
Raise your hand if you have a boyfriend.
Not so fast
What’s fat, hairy and drinks a lot of coffee?
Java the Hut!
You must be a Candy bar because you appease me.
What did one stranger say to the other? Nothing. They didn’t know each other.
Go to BabaMail
