What’s Another Name For iPhone Chargers?
Apple Juice.
When I went to highschool in Italy my classmates were one year older than me.
I Skipped pasta grade.
What game do little bats like to play?
Batty fight.
What do you call a duck with fangs?
Count Duckula.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Ivor.
Ivor who?
Ivor you let me in or I`ll climb through the window.
Tigers are probably the most roarsome animal ever created!
A son asked his dad: "Dad, are we pyromaniacs?"
The dad responded with: "Yes, we arson."
My favorite music is by Spandau Croc-quet.
You must be a C major scale... All natural.
Did you heard about the zombie crow? He wants to eat your grains.
What do you call yogurt that is terrified of other dairy products? A cow-ard!
"The happiest marriage I can picture would be the union of a deaf man to a blind woman." — Samuel Taylor Coleridge
Why was the painter upset when his doctor bought all of his paintings? The doctor thought the paintings would go up in value after his death.
Was a bit lonely by myself at home last night on Valentine's Day so I decided to make my own bread.
I was feeling quite kneady
What do you call a tariff on skin?
A tax-a-dermis!
What do you get when you divide the circumference of a watermelon by it’s diameter? Watermelon PI.
When a guy sees another guy at a urinal and makes sure to go two spots away, it's called "social pisstancing".
Why don't aliens get hungry after being blasted into space?
Because they've just had a big launch.
Volleyball is air affair. This would be a good motto for your team.
I punched my monitor and now my hand really hertz.
It was mitten in the stars.
This flu season, doctors are recommending you wipe your throat down with tissues.
Apparently they're synonymous with clean necks.
Take me down to Hai-
ku City where the grass is
green, and the dammit.
“Mix a little foolishness with your serious plans. It is lovely to be silly at the right moment.”
- Horace
A pony goes to see the doctor one day.
He says, "Doc, you've got to help me. I've had this terrible sore throat for weeks and I think there must be some badly wrong."
The doctor examines him and then reassures him saying, "It's okay, it's nothing serious; you're just a little horse."
I just love the way the Earth rotates.
It really makes my day.
“Never make your favorite song the alarm for Monday morning; you’ll hate it for years.”
What do you get when you cross a computer with an elephant? Lots of memory!
What’s an apple’s favorite restaurant? Applebee’s.
Cassini spacecraft took pictures of both Saturn and Earth. It was literally the best of both worlds.
Why do we enjoy wine jokes?
Because they're de-vine!
Turns out our washing machine DOES have a “baby poop” setting.
It’s called “Heavy Doody”
“Think of how stupid the average person is and realize half of them are stupider than that.”
– George Carlin
What do you call two kangaroos who live together?
Roo-mates.
How do two skeletons have se*?
They bone each other.
It's getting warmer and the snow is melting. Time for me to melt your heart.
Our love, it has grown
Similar to your age
We have come so far
And have been through ups
And through downs.
Hopefully you can take
One more year of me being a clown.
Why doesn't the tooth fairy like dental instruments?
She finds them obtooth.
Do you believe in love at first sight? Or should I run by again?
Have you ever wondered which part of the flamingo has the most feathers? I found out once – turns out it’s the outside.
Friends are like condoms: They protect you when things get hard.
"So you see, my son, there is a very fine line between love and nausea." - King Jaffe Joffer, 'Coming to America'
"I have so many egg puns, it's not even bunny."
The 70s/80s aesthetic has recently become pretty popular in France.
They say it has a certain Gen X sais quoi.
The pecan is ready to come out of its’ shell and see the world.
My partner got mad when she found so much spam on my computer.
She said, "Food belongs on a plate!"
If kisses were raindrops, I'd send you a hurricane.
It's so cold that the optician was giving away free ice scrapers with every new pair of eyeglasses.
Why did the kraken eat 5 ships that were carrying potatoes?
Because nobody can eat just one potato ship.
I only need a prescription for like half of my kitchen cabinets.
The rest are over the counter
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