What do you call someone who specialises in Egypt?
A Cairopractor.
How does a vampire make tea? With a used tampon.
Why did the squirrel ask for a pay raise?
He was paid peanuts.
"Before I speak, I have something important to say."
"The first half of our lives is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children." – Clarence Day
What do you call a disabled paper towel?
A napkan't.
Beauty is in the eye of the beerholder.
Why did the rooster cross the road?
He had something to cock-a-doodle dooo!
What goes hiss, swish, hiss swish every time it rains? A windscreen viper.
"Grandparent Rap"
It's Grandparents' Day and we're here to say,
"We love our Grandparents in a major way."
So sit right down and take a seat,
And we'll put on a show that can't be beat!
Some Grandparents are skinny. Some eat a lot.
Some are funny. Some are not.
Some short, some tall, some big, some small.
It doesn't matter. We love them all.
"Don’t believe everything you think."
Anonymous
“The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.”—Henny Youngman
The little boy autumn-bled over the pile of fallen leaves and yellow-d for help.
What do you call Batman when he is injured?
Bruised Wayne.
Why did Iron Man sleep outside when it rained?
To get some rust.
Romeo & Juliet.doc...
...is a play on Word.
I love you and I ain’t lion.
Why was the snake mad at the jewel thief?
Because he wanted his diamondback.
The sweetest and punny name to call a pig is Mudpie.
What do you call a walnut in a narwal costume? A nar-walnut.
My friend went bald years ago, but still carries his old comb with him.
He just can’t part with it.
Why don’t you ever see hippopotamus hiding in trees? Because they’re really good at it.
This can of deodorant said it "Lasts 24 hours"...
So the next day I bought another can.
Where does a penguin keep its money?
In a snow bank.
If you were a triangle, you’d be acute one.
How did architects earn a living in ancient Egypt?
Pyramid schemes
“When preparing to travel, lay out all your clothes and all your money. Then take half the clothes and twice the money.”
— Susan Heller
Hey girl, I can't wait to see your body - of Christ.
What happens if you miss the toilet while trying to take a pee?
Urine trouble.
What do you call a girl who's very good at human chess and checkers?
Ingrid.
“Sorry for what I said before I yoga-ed.” – Unknown
When you push a strawberry down a hill, you make a strawberry turnover.
How can you tell a sword is a knights favorite weapon?
He doesn't use a lance a lot.
My banana grandad got in an accident last year, he bruised like a peach!
The huddle is real
“I tried to look up impotence on the Internet, but nothing came up.”
I waited over an hour for my cappuccino and when it arrived there was too much milk and not enough coffee. Still, better latte than never.
When I took a break from having soup, my mom said "Carry on, why did you stoup?"
What’s a ghoul’s favorite love story?
Romeo and Ghouliet!
Roses are red, potatoes are brown; you are my favorite spud in the whole town!
Hey, does this handkerchief smell like CHCl3?
What do you get when your dog jumps into the fire pit? A hot dog.
What does the youngest flower child say?
Last bud not least!
“A snowball in the face is surely the perfect beginning to a lasting friendship.”
– Markus Zusak
What do you call a cow that plays the saxophone? A blues moo-sician.
Why did the birthday cake go to the doctor?
Because it was feeling crumby!
Even after a decade or two, I think we will all remember this year forever.
I mean, hindsight is 2020.
What did the lighter color shade tell to its dark lover?
I want hue
What is the name of the country near Iraq that is made entirely of cheese? Curd-istan
Who's a witch's favorite movie director?
Steven Spellberg.
Go to BabaMail
