Can you find the three errors in this sentenceeee?
I can’t find a costume for Halloween, so can I just go as your boyfriend?
A man went to his psychiatrist and complained that every time he drink coffee, he would get a stabbing pain in his right eye.
The psychiatrist said, “Well, have you tried taking the spoon out?”
A trip to Ireland always lifts my spirits.
I have some extra chairs in my garage for emergency seat-uations.
When finally the encyclopedia on mushrooms was out, it was given the title ‘A Fungi-de to the Mushrooms’.
The student asked the teacher, “Cashew a question?”, and the teacher replied, “Nut now”.
Canada is planning a mission to the moon
They're calling the spaceship the Apollo-G.
Milk does the body good, but damn how much did you drink?
My lifeguard friend had come back home and wanted to do some work, so I gave him my computer to use. Now I have a screen-saver at my house.
What type of person doesn’t like pizza?
A weir-dough.
Those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind.
Bernard M. Baruch
My wife hates the colour of her hair...
She's dyeing to change it.
"If I knew I was going to live this long, I'd have taken better care of myself." —Mickey Mantle
What did the beaver mention to a tree? It has been nice gnawing you.
A young man had just returned home from culinary school and was telling his family about everything he had learned.
"The most interesting thing I learned was about the French Fry", he told them.
"Combing through historical records, we found that it was not first fried in France!"
His family was astounded, and asked where it was fried originally.
"In Grease, of course."
Is it bad to swallow a cherry whole? No don't worry, it's just one of the pitfalls of life.
Did you just move from the subdominant to the supertonic? Because I think you’re my perfect counterpoint.
Don’t you hate it when someone answers their own questions? I do.
“Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women; a little bit of support and a little bit of freedom.” - Jerry Seinfeld
Even Pepcid AC can’t stop my heart from burning for you.
I was arrested by the grammar police for not using the full stop correctly.
I am now looking at a long sentence.
Why do chickens rinse their mouth out with soap?
Because of all the fowl language.
I’ve started to plant my herbs in alphabetical order. People ask me how I find the time. I tell them “it’s next to the sage”.
What did the evaporating raindrop say?
I’m going to pieces.
What did the last of the zombies say to the survivers of the apocalypse?
- It’s been a living hell with you guys around.
Did you know that back in medieval times, soldiers would sleep with lanterns next to them so they could see if something happened.
They were called "Knight Lights"
My pet owl will soon turn 180.
He's not old, he just has a bad neck.
Why was the bouncy castle so expensive? Due to the cost of inflation.
I hand out couple assists per game, but never landed on a dime like you
What should you do when you see Frankenstein walking towards you?
Make a bolt for it.
How can you tell the difference between a chemist and a plumber? Ask them to pronounce "unionized."
I'm a man without a country. Can I be a citizen of you?
Warning! Do not look at the sun through a colander.
You'll strain your eyes.
"If your doctor's last name is Google, it's time to get a second opinion…" - Toni Bernhard, J.D.
Why didn’t sin and tan go to the party?
Just cos.
Why should you live a pineapple life? Because Life is sweet.
What TV shows are squeaky clean?
Soap Operas
A fly fell down out of nowhere on my wrist
It died on my watch.
What comes out of your nose at 200 mph?
Lambogreeny.
Q: What happens when two oranges collide?
A: They get en-tang-led!
“You spend 90 percent of your adult life hoping for a long rest and the last 10 percent trying to convince the Lord that you’re actually not that tired.” – Robert Brault
Q. How do you start a letter written to Sears Roebuck?
A. Deer Sirs..
I think you've got something in your eye. Oh never mind, it's just a sparkle.
What did the disappointed deer say? Oh deer!
All the contestants at the pig Olympics were very happy with their prizes. They each won pork medallions.
Never tell a taco a secret
It will spill the beans
Why did the bat walk in her pijamas to take a bath?
Because she did not have a bat robe.
If I had 5 dollars for every math test I have ever failed then I would have 37 dollars.
Why did the whisky divorce the glass?
Their marriage was on the rocks!
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