Where did the spinach go to have a few drinks? The Salad Bar!
What do you call a fat kid who likes chocolate milk?
An OvalTeen
Q. Where did the gorilla like to go sailing?
A. The Chimpan-Sea
What kind of money do elves use?
Cold cash!
Me: "Hey, don't assume I'm dying alone. I might find someone, you don't know."
Waiter: "I asked if you were dining alone."
Me: "Oh, sorry. Yes."
When your poo goes into the sewers, it's not yours anymore.
It becomes pooblic domain.
I hired a landscape gardener today.
He couldn’t help me — my garden is a portrait.
I think I found my perfect match
What did the turkey say during Thanksgiving?
It was too stuffed to say anything.
How do you type the word "Royalty" on a keyboard?
You start with the higher R key.
If I told you you have a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?
What is the best way to stop a pizza curling?
Hide its brush.
What did the Mama Hot Dog say to the little frankfurter? Ketch-up! Why did the blonde put a sweater on her hot dog? Because she wanted a chili dog.
Why was the guy looking for fast food on his friend? Because his friend said dinner is on me.
Whenever I give my daughter cherries, she stuffs them in the chair
Now we call them chairries
These aren't your mom's puns, these are your sisters puns. Tam-puns
Are you tired? Because you’ve been running through my mind all day.
Playing the keyboard is...
my type of music.
“Those pizzas I ate were for medicinal purposes.”
― Amy Neftzger
What's the first tea that comes in a teapot?
empytea
"When I feel like exercising I just lie down until the feeling goes away."
- Robert M. Hutchins.
You have to act quickly during a flood because it's an emergent sea.
My pink bird friend got dumped a while ago. He was sad for a while, but now he’s singe and ready to flamingle.
Do you run track? Because you are running laps around my heart.
How do you know that carrots are good for your eyesight? Have you ever seen a rabbit wearing glasses?
You're acute Valentine.
What’s a llama’s favorite song?
Llama Chameleon.
How many birds does it take to change a light bulb?
Normally three, but Toucan.
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One thing you never want to do is divorce a butcher.
That would be a huge missed steak.
Up until now, I always thought that all the cool mice would get together and live in my mousepad. Now when I know the truth, I feel quite broken.
I’ve been selected to hide eggs in my town’s big Easter festival next year!
This is an eggs-hiding opportunity!
My kid’s toy submarine was having trouble staying under water...
I hope this will not surface again
What was Hitler's favorite computer game?
Mein Kraft.
Have you heard the joke about the butter? I better not tell you, it might spread. How do baseball players stay cool? They sit next to their fans.
What do oranges have after a hard work out? Juice!
What happened when 100 hares got loose on Main Street? The police had to comb the area.
Pizza Love
Pizza, Please?
I Love All Pizza
Sausage ,Pepperoni, Or Cheese
Pizza Love
Its Forever
In My Heart
It Makes Life Better
Pizza Love
Pizza, Please?
I REALLY LIKE PIZZA
Sausage, Pepperoni, and Cheese.
(Camryn Noell)
Even my new stainless steel cookware set isn't as slick as you.
"I just can't live with the pathetic tickles that you call thrusts anymore."
I could never Elea-gnor someone so stunning as you
Why did the tomato turn red? It saw the salad dressing!
A bunch of chill-dren from the neighborhood played all afternoon in the snow.
How did the wife know her mountaineering husband was cheating on her? She caught Himalayan about it more than once.
Where does a zombie get a spare body part
Second hand.
They asked how the watermelon farmer felt after winning the lottery; clever bugger said he felt like a melon bucks.
I saw a sign earlier that said, "Free Range Eggs."
I've never heard of Range Eggs before but at least they were free so I took some.
What do you call a perfect submarine?
Sub-optimal.
It’s so cold that the Statue of Liberty put her torch inside her dress!
When does the moon gets his/her stomach full? During full moon.
I recently met a musical group of pirates.
They called themselves A-Band-On-Ship.
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