The unluckiest berry in the group is the one that drew the short straw-berry.
What do you call a talkative drink? Chai Tea.
How far can a mango,
If he's got a license but doesn't avocado ?
What do you call a large dog that meditates?
Aware wolf.
My name is Spenser
No dog is denser
I'm not well smarted
But I'm big hearted
If you was hurted
I'd be alerted
And I'll come racing
To lick your facing.
(Jessica Amanda Salmonson)
A fight between tiger and lion broke out. Both of them wanted to become the next empe-roar of the jungle.
Just so you know I have a ref full of chocolate, a couch and good films at my house.
You can pick your friends or you can pick your nose...
but you can't pick your friend's nose.
I really hope Santa can figure out how to make all his deliveries this year due to Covid-19......
I hear he just ran out of santa-tizer.
My sister wanted to marry the postman
but our parents didn't letter.
I mist say, this is a pretty bad joke, but it haze potential.
Ignore your mother's bad joke, son...
It's a faux pa.
What do you call a dog who only eats garlic and onions?
A dog with a bark worse than its bite.
Why are teapots so expensive?
Because they make you pour!
What do you call a 100 year old ant?
An ant-ique.
I married my wife for her looks. Just not the ones she been giving me lately.
"I believe that the good Lord gave us a finite number of heartbeats and I'm damned if I'm going to use up mine running up and down a street."
Neil Armstrong
“Spring is nature’s way of saying, ‘Let’s party!’”
– Robin Williams
Why is Santa so jolly? Because he knows where all the naughty girls live.
If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put ewe and I together.
Why did the Beatles stop inviting Ringo to Thanksgiving?
Because he wouldn't share the drumsticks.
Nut cookies are the best gifts for nutty friends.
Why did the turkey NOT cross the road?
To prove that he wasn't chicken.
When I moved into my new igloo my friends threw me a surprise house-warming party.
Now I'm homeless.
How do horses greet each other?
“Hayyyyy.”
Why do you press harder on the buttons of a remote control when you know the batteries are dead?
What do you call a Rabbi who works with solvents?
An acidic Jew.
Bread is like the sun, it rises in the yeast and sets in the waist.
"I am dying with the help of too many physicians." —Alexander the Great
“Outside of a dog, a book is a man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.”
- Groucho Marx.
Sometimes you have to green and bear it.
If you think a meteor is hard, you should see what you are doing to my missile.
What did the tie say to the hat? A. You go on ahead and I'll hang around
A truck carrying Lego got into an accident on the motorway. No one knows what happened; the authorities are still trying to piece everything together.
"Isn't it appropriate that the month of the tax begins with April Fool's Day and ends with cries of 'May Day!'?"
- Rob Knauerhase
Where does a 2,000 pound gorilla sit?
Anywhere it wants to.
What do you call a fruit that doesn't take s**t from anyone? The top banana.
The baker just felt this incredible knead to make bread. That’s certainly the truth.
How does the moon take a bath?
It has meteor showers!
What do you call a musician without a girlfriend?
Homeless.
Roses are red
Violets are blue
He’s in love with me,
And not exactly for you.
And if you take my place,
I’ll take my plate and smash your face.
(Unknown)
“My advice to you is get married: If you find a good wife you’ll be happy; if not, you’ll become a philosopher.” —Socrates
What do you call a monkey that sells potato chips?
A chipmunk.
Why do men name their penises? Because they don't like the idea of having a stranger make 90 percent of their decisions.
Crooked teeth are criminal!
Luckily a few years behind bars usually straightens them out.
What's a frog's favorite candy?
Lollihops.
Is your name Wi-fi? Because I'm really feeling a connection.
Why did the hipster chemist get burnt?
Because he touched the beaker before it was cool.
What happened to the wooden car with a wooden engine and wheels? It wooden go at all.
“Good humor is a tonic for mind and body. It is the best antidote for anxiety and depression. It is a business asset. It attracts and keep friends. It lightens human burdens. It is the direct route to serenity and contentment.”
Greenville Kleisser
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