Are you a flower? Because I fell in love with you once and floral.
What did one glow worm said to the other one?
You glow girl!
Someone stole my fragrance-free lotion...
It was a scentless act of cruelty.
Little Johnny asked his father, "Dad, can you write in the dark?"
His father said, "I think so. What do you want me to write?"
Little Johnny replied, "Oh, just sign this report card for me..."
When is a cow hairy on the inside and the outside at the same time?
When it's stood in the doorway of the barn.
What do you get if you cross an alligator with a flower?
I don’t know, but I will not smell it!
As the birds fly south
I make reservations to
Go to Florida.
“I do Yoga to relieve stress… Just kidding I drink wine in yoga pants.” — Anonymous
What type of flowers does everybody have? two-lips.
“If you’re lucky this Christmas, Santa Claus will grace you with his presents.”
What happens if you listen to metal too loudly?
You become Megadeaf
Why did the Communist wait till the last minute to cross the road?
He was Stalin.
What do you call someone with Yellow hair on the beach?
A beach blond.
What's the difference between a head of lettuce and a unicorn?
One is a funny beast, and the other is a bunny feast!
The sun is mad at the clouds because the clouds keep throwing shade.
I gifted my girlfriend a star for her birthday
I think its perfect, she said she needed some space.
Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Gnome! I can’t reach the doorbell!
What happens when an alligator drives a boat?
He becomes a navigator.
You are so hot that you light my morning sky with burning love
How many guitar players does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Twelve - one to do it, and eleven to stand around and say, "Phhhwt! I can do that!"
What was the most flexible dinosaur? Tyrannosaurus Flex.
Roses are red, violets are blue, I'd rather be dead than continue seeing you!
A loyal warrior will rarely worry why we rule.
What do we get when we cross a pineapple and a pig? We have a porky – pine!
What happens when you keep reading geology jokes in your free time? You know that you have really hit rock bottom.
Due to bad weather, I won't be attending the Meteorology Convention.
I'm gonna take a rain-check.
How does the moon cut his hair?
Eclipse it.
Hey, are you okay-leb?
What do you say if someone steps on a banana peel? Well I guess he didn't find that appealing!
How did the blind guy from Denver enjoy a bit of apres skiing on Lookout Mountain during the last white-out?
He brought along his skiing-eye dog.
The real reason humans have wrinkly brains?
We've been in the gene pool too long.
Did you hear about the guy who was beaten by the King?
It’s a sore subject.
The thing about milk-inspired puns is you only reach 2% of their potential.
“I probably wouldn’t kill so many houseplants if they could scream for food and water the way my pets and children do.”
— Anonymous
“Winter blues are cured every time with a potato gratin paired with a roast chicken.”
– Alexandra Guarnaschelli
What is the cherry fruit's favorite American talkshow? The Cherry Springer Show of course!
Why can’t a tile walk very well?
He has square feet.
The favorite colors of fishes are deep blue and aquamarine blue.
A salesman knocks on a door and a little kid answers. The kid's got a cigar in one hand and a beer in the other. Salesman says, "Are your parents home?" Kid says, "What do you think?"
Why does the spinal cord belong in the brass section of an orchestra?
Because of its dorsal and ventral horns.
“Money and women are the most sought after and the least known about of any two things we have.”— Will Rogers
Whoever lives by the sword shell die by it.
What do get if you cross a duck and Santa? A Christmas Quacker.
Went camping last night. It was in-tents.
Sorry I took so long to call, I accidentally got lost in your eyes.
My wife came home angry from the gynecologist after he told her she had to stop using lemon douche
She's been such a sour puss about it.
What do you call a man with an opinion? Wrong.
Knights have always used one type of lamp since medieval times. These lamps are now called Knight Lamps.
Why wasn't King Kong able to climb to the top of the Empire State Building?
He couldn't quite fit in the elevator.
As a school project, we wanted to perform a Jesus play
but the only guy who had the traditional famous Jesus look had blond hair.
We begged him to dye it black, but he refused.
After explaining it to his parents, they agreed to let their son dye for our scenes.
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