In what country is Thanksgiving, ironically, not celebrated? Turkey.
If you call a large turkey a gobbler what do you call a small one? Goblet.
What does a baby volcano say to his volcano mother?
Magma
When the History teachers wanted to help out students who were failing the subject privately, they put up a poster on the school bulletin boards that said, "Need Tudoring?"
“As a child my family’s menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.”
Buddy Hackett
What did the home owner say to the mug shot when he put it up on his wall
"You've been framed!"
I don’t know if I got hit by freezing rain but it sure hurt like hail.
India is a very peaceful country.
Because nobody has any beef over there.
What do you call a turkey after Thanksgiving?
Lucky.
What do you call a European Bigfoot?
Bigmeter.
What do you get if you put a duck in a cement mixer?
Quacks in the pavement.
"Sip, sip hooray."
Medieval castles would have been great hangout spots in modern times because they had a great knight life!
“I choose a lazy person to do a hard job, because a lazy person will find an easy way to do it.” — Bill Gates
When the basketball realized all the checks were bouncing, he decided to visit the bank himself to find out.
Can’t wait for the first married woman to walk on the red planet.
Just so I can ask if there’s wife on Mars.
What bat was called an invader?
Bat-talina.
My wife and I went hiking and got lost. I lost my temper and she was so upset she threw the map at me.
Now I know where we stand.
A piece of cheese sees his cheese friend looking a little disheveled. “Are you OK?” he asks.
“I’ve felt grater”, his friend coughed.
Why don’t werewolf make good dancers?
Because they have two left feet!
"If I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a million times: Don’t exaggerate!"
Anonymous
Did you get those pants on sale? (Why?) Because at my house they would be 100% off!
What do runners eat before a big race?
Fast food.
I think, therefore I’m single.
What did one leaf say to the other leaf?
I’ve fallen for you.
What game does the sky love to play?
Twister.
“Dear Mondays, I really think that you should take a holiday. Believe me, no one will even miss you.”
“Older siblings: the only people who will pick on you for their own entertainment and beat up anyone else who tries.”—Unknown
Donating blood can be A-positive experience
But sometimes it can B-negative.
What’s an elephant’s favorite sport?
Squash.
Why do you bring fish to a party?
You bring fish to a party because they go well with chips!
The cat’s out of the bag – I love you purry much.
Who does a Karen yell at if her computer isn't working?
The task manager.
What kind of writer did the ghost hire to write his biography? A ghostwriter, duh.
What kind of magazine does a rock like to read?
Rolling Stone.
Are you from Tennessee? Because you’re the only 10 I see!
What's yellow and kills you if you get it in your eyes?
A school bus.
Are you a needle? Because you are sew special to me.
Why did the banana go to the hostpital? Because it wasnt peeling very well
The storm suppose to knock out the power, but your eyes have all the electricity I need.
What do you call friends with airpods in their ears
Earbuds.
What makes nuts healthy? They have many nut-rients.
What did one Frenchman say to the other?
I have no idea; I don’t speak French.
What was the event of the onion family getting back together called as? A family reonion.
I keep making bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon.
I told my wife that a man is like a fine wine - I only get better with age.
The next day, she locked me in the wine cellar.
One fundamental lesson our teacher has taught us in History class while talking about the Civil War was never to take victory for Grant-ed.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Nana.
Nana who?
Nana your business.
Me: "Alexa check my bank balance and tell me which apple product can I buy?"
Alexa- "Apple juice."
Why don't bananas snore? Because they don't want to wake up the rest of the bunch.
A sign at a music shop: “Gone Chopin. Bach in a minuet.”
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