Are you an alien? Because I believe you’ve abducted my heart.
What does it take to be good at making Greek pottery?
You have to urn it.
What do you call a truck towing a smaller truck?
A mother trucker
A spider saw a car he liked at the dealership and decided to take it out for a spin.
My friend can't afford expensive art, she has no Monet.
The IT peach-guy is an expert in the field of peach synthesis.
My mother says: “Leave that peach cobbler alone on the table!” However, I cannot help myself and sneak in to watch it making beautiful peach shoes.
A photon is going through airport security. The TSA agent asks if he has any luggage. The photon says, "No, I'm traveling light."
English can be understood through tough thorough thought, though.
What type of diet did the snowman go on?
The Meltdown Diet.
“My friend was attacked by a duck. I yelled “duck!” to warn him, but it just made it worse.”
- Kelkulus.
Baby, you're a firework.
“A pizza slice a day keeps sadness away.”
― Jet Paacal
what do you call it when a lady mammal that enjoys swimming a lot, who has an unattractive twin sister, fires a gun at one of her gym buddies who also happens to work with clay as their profession?
hotter water otter daughter shot her potter spotter
What did the ocean say to the beach?
Nothing it just waved.
Are you into hockey? That's great because I'd like to score.
What do you call an elephant that doesn't matter? An irrelephant.
Were you born in 1789? Because you’re a real classical beauty
Would you call a guy who’s eating corn while riding a unicycle a unicorn on the cob?
What is at the end of a rainbow?
The letter W.
Is your vocal range tenor? Because if there were tenor (ten of) you Iwould be very happy.
I know you love playing soccer, wanna play a soccer lover?
Where do boats go when they get sick? The dock
What do cannibals eat for dessert?
Chocolate covered aunts.
Of all the best pieces of wolf advice, this is my favorite, “stand fur what you believe”
Chuck Norris does not own a stove, oven, or microwave , because revenge is a dish best served cold.
"Car sickness is the feeling you get when the monthly payment is due." ~Author Unknown
Just bought my wife a refrigerator, for our Anniversary:
Cannot wait to see her face light up when she opens it.
My fridge stopped working...
Its not cool.
What's black, white, orange, and waddles? A penguin carrying a Jack-o-lantern.
There’s a new drama featuring herbivore doctors.
It’s called Graze Anatomy.
Why didn’t the skeleton play football?
His heart wasn’t in it.
What did one blade of grass say to another about the lack of rain?
I guess we'll just have to make dew.
How many mathematicians does it take to change a light bulb?
One—she just gives it to three physicists, thus reducing it to a problem that’s already been solved.
Why did the lights go out? Because they liked each other!”
We all know that rooms are just empty spaces, and no one can even dream of making a delicacy out of them. The only room is the mushroom.
How did the pot head propose to their spouse?
Marriage, You wanna?
So there’s this Spanish magician. His main trick was performing a spectacular vanishing act. He said that he’d vanish on the count of three. “Uno” “Dos”
And then he vanished, without a tres.
A woman inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Husband wanted."
Next day she received a hundred letters.
They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
Golf is a lot like taxes:
You go for the green and wind up in the hole.
What is the cherry fruit's favorite American talkshow? The Cherry Springer Show of course!
The world tongue-twister champion just got arrested.
I hear they're gonna give him a really tough sentence
Have you guys tried kangaroo beer?
It’s a little hoppy.
Q: How did the Pharaoh Hatshepsut know it was time to retire?
A: He saw the writing on the wall.
I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me... they're cramming for their final exam. -- George Carlin
Here’s my best advice for getting a job in the lotion industry:
Apply daily.
I love you I love you
I do
I’ll play the kazoo
I may not be good
It may be too loud
I love you I love you
I’ll dance a jig
I may miss a step
or fall on my pig
I love you I love you
I do
even if this poem isn’t cool
- Do old zombie actors ever die?
- Yes, they sometimes drop a part.
One of the Russian acrobats in our human pyramid has been deported.
We don't have Oleg to stand on.
What has no pants and screams like a bear? A bear.
Go to BabaMail
