What style of classical music do sheep most enjoy?
Baa-roque
A homicide detective walks into a bar and orders a beer.
"Hey look at those birds outside," the bartender comments to him. "Did you know that a group of crows like that is called a murder?"
"Well you can't be sure that's a murder," the detective says. "Unless there is probable caws."
What rock would you find inside a garden shed?
Shedimentary.
Are you from Tennessee?
Because you look inbred.
What do you call a group of killer whales carrying musical instruments.
An orca-stra.
What kind of button won't unbutton? A bellybutton!
What does a couch say to another couch at the other side of the room?
We are sofa apart!
If there was no gravity on this planet, I would still fall for you.
What did mother werewolf say to the naughty boy werewolf?
- We're werewolves, not swear-wolves.
"I bought an ant farm. I don't know where I am going to get a tractor that small!"
- Steven Wright
What kind of cats love to go bowling? Alley cats!
How do officials start the races at the pink bird olympics? They say three... two... one... flaminGO!
I am lucky we are hiking together this evening.
What has four legs and an arm?
A happy pitbull.
"Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy." ~ Groucho Marx
What do you call a computer that plays tennis?
A server
Police are appealing to the man who stole all the soap from the supermarket
To come clean
Why couldn't the leopard play hide and seek?
Because he was always spotted.
You have goat to be kidding me.
The orange said to the melon, “You are one in a melon.” The melon replied, “You are so appealing.”
I give roughing a whole new definition.
You might be startled to see a hamburger working out in your local gym. Don’t worry, they’re just there because they want better buns.
All the jingle ladies, all the jingle ladies.
Did you hear a gnome's favorite sport is baseball?
They love to score gnome runs.
What kind of socks does a gardener wear?
Garden hose!
We've been driving all day, I need a brake.
My suitcase started crying when I picked it up. I was carrying emotional baggage.
Irish you luck.
Why are rabbits so lucky? They have four rabbit’s feet.
I'd love to go up and down with you, fancy a hill rep session?
"You deserve better and so do I."
If flamingos can’t fly, how on earth do they get about? They use flamingo karts, of course.
I just pooped in my bed. Can I sleep in yours?
I find you very a-peeling.
Pink is the early bird of the rainbow colors, it's always the first to rose and shine.
Are you a cat? Because you look purrrfect!
Why does a Moon-rock taste better than an Earth-rock?
Because it's a little meteor.
Raise your hand if you have a boyfriend.
Not so fast
2 flies are playing soccer on a plate.
One says to the other "you'd better pick up your game Louie, we're playing in the cup tomorrow".
If you go to a beach and you can see through it, you could say the coast is clear.
More candles means a bigger wish!
Did you hear about the color bomb?
Yeah it blue up.
What's the sweetest moment in a hockey game? When they're icing the puck.
Did you know that back in medieval times, soldiers would sleep with lanterns next to them so they could see if something happened.
They were called "Knight Lights"
What did the motivational speaker say?
Don’t take life for granite.
What does a cat like to eat on his birthday? Mice cream and cake!
“I’m so poor I can’t even pay attention." ~Ron Kittle
What did the rabbit say to the lettuce?
Romaine calm, I’m here for the carrots.
There was a Young Lady of Dorking,
Who bought a large bonnet for walking;
But its colour and size,
So bedazzled her eyes,
That she very soon went back to Dorking.
Where do ants go on vacation?
Frants.
Native Americans used to have their own professional tennis tournaments, and provided free housing to players from other tribes. They called it the A Tee Pee Tour. (No disrespect to Native Americans!)
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