Who did the ghost take to prom? His ghoulfriend.
Tonight, I’m on a hunt for your number.
Why did the cheese lover hide cheese in the back of his fridge?
In queso emergency.
You are unbe-Leah-vably gorgeous
How sweet is only for girls?
Her-shey’s kisses.
What do you call an eyeless deer?
No-eye-deer.
If you need an Ark, I Noah guy.
What do you call a row of zombies?
A deadline.
What did you call an awesome geologist? A rockstar!
From my head tomatoes, I love you bunches.
Why did the duck go to the bank?
Because he wanted to get a new bill.
Chuck Norris once went to mars. Thats why there are no signs of life.
When it rains chickens and ducks, the best description for the weather is foul weather.
When Napoleon died in the explosion, he was blown-apart-e.
Witches get sore joints because they have broom-atism.
You are so hot that you light my morning sky with burning love
Whats the difference between roast beef and pea soup? You can roast beef, but you cant pea soup!
What concert costs 45 cents? 50 Cent featuring Nickleback.
“Bad decisions make good stories.”
– Ellis Vidler
Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?
Because it takes them a long time to swallow their pride.
What do you call a tree without teeth?
A gumtree.
What is a cow's favorite lunch meat? Bullogna
What do you call a ghost who haunts fireplaces? A toastie ghostie.
Strawberries love to travel. Their favorite mode of transport is the wind-jam-mer.
What do you call a fish with no eye?
FSH!
Why was the software engineer bankrupt? He’d used all his cache.
What ingredient is essential when baking a Star Wars cake?
Bicarbonate of Yoda
A baseball walks into a bar. The bartender throws him out.
A truck full of christmas trees have been stolen.
Police admit they are stumped.
"I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage." -Erma Bombeck
Were you born on the Bluenose? Because baby, you're a dime.
“Money isn’t everything, but it’s a long way ahead of what comes next.” - Edmund Stockdale
What do you call a family member who works at a gas station? A pump-kin!
This is snow laughing matter!
When Napoleon is indecisive, he is torn-apart-e.
Wow, I was just wishing for a soulmate Anna minute later, we matched. What are the chances?
What side of a tiger has the most stripes? The outside.
Watched a TV show about how they build ships.
It was riveting.
What did the gladiator say when he was surrounded by nearly 100 men?
IC
What type of tool does a prehistoric reptile carpenter use? A dino-saw!
It takes one to snow one.
Why was the blonde upset when she got her Driver's License? Because she got an "F" in se*.
An ambitious young fellow named Matt,
Tried to parachute using his hat.
Folks below looked so small,
As he started to fall,
Then got bigger and bigger and SPLAT!
"Scone be a lot of fun. Wheat love for you to join us."
Who called it a goat petting zoo...
and not Close Encounters of the Herd Kind?
Excuse me, would you like a raisin? No? How about a date then?
Did you hear about the elusive skating watermelon thief? Not really, the only description they got was a Caucasian melon wheels.
You make me more excited than gifts under a Christmas tree.
What did the real estate agent say to the lady at the bar?
"Ma'am, is your name FHA loan? Because you have most certainly caught my interest."
What do you call a joke that isn’t funny? A sentence.
I can’t tell if that was an earthquake or if you just seriously rocked my world.
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