Mom, what do we have for dinner? I cannot tell you, son, it is a soup-rise! Is it soup? I soup-pose it would be.
Why did the boy feel warm on his birthday?
Because people kept toasting him!
A Blond walks into a doctors office and says:
"Doctor, what’s the problem with me?
When I touch my arm, ouch! It hurts...
When I touch my leg, ouch! it hurts...
When I touch my head, ouch! It hurts...
When I touch my chest, ouch! it really hurts!"
The Doctor replies: "Your finger is broken."
We’ve made a jig mistake, don’t you a-green?
That was thaw-some!
Hey girl, I heard God called you.
Can I do the same?
I tried to turn on a tap. It was a bit stiff though...
So I had to faucet.
Saw Humpty Dumpty shopping for Halloween supplies.
He's going to have a great fall.
What activity should you do when you’re babysitting little cheeses?
Build a roquefort.
"What’s the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? About 30 pounds."
- Cindy Garner.
A lot of people can't understand why Daniel Day Lewis's twin brother Daniel Night Lewis didn't make it in the movies.
That's because the difference between them is night and day.
What did the mushroom request when booking his hotel? A shroom with a view, please!
What leaves a bigger hole in your heart than breaking up with your girlfriend?
A bullet.
What do skeletons complain about?
Aching bones.
"I believe every human has a finite number of heartbeats. I don't intend to waste any of mine running around doing exercises."
- Neil Armstrong.
Girl, it would be both a Crime and a Punishment if you don't let me take you out.
Honestly, I'm into necrophilia. Wanna come home and play dead?
Why wouldn’t the Pharaoh let the Hebrews go?
He was in ‘de Nile.
What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Nacho Cheese!
What is red, white, and blue over winter break?
A sad candy cane.
My mum made a chocolate bar out of peas. I asked if she could snap a peas off for me.
Did you hear about the volleyball players who are getting married? They say it was love at first spike.
What do you call an alligator in a vest?
An investigator!
What do you call a hot dog race? Wiener takes all.
What do you do with a bachelor who thinks he's God's gift to women? Exchange him.
“Diet day #1: All the unhealthy food has been removed from the house. It was delicious.”
― Unknown
This is too cliché, dear, but this is what I really feel, I love you to the moon and back.Copy0
Are you Jewish? Cause you IS RAELI HOT.
Did you hear about the metamorphosis professor who just gave up on life? He really needed a change.
What do chess players from the Czech Republic call their friends?
Czech-mates.
If there's a bee in my hand, then what's in my eye?
Beauty.
Beauty is in the eye of the bee holder.
“Grandparents are there to help the child get into mischief they haven’t thought of yet.”—Gene Perret
The sound of my bones really cracks me up.
Even if there was no gravity, I'd still fall for you.
What do polar bears have for lunch?
Ice burgers.
Are you a big fan of beef? I am. In fact, I could eat it until the cows come home.
My favourite jokes are skeleton puns
Why? I find them humorous.
What do you call a bully on Halloween? A jerk-o-lantern.
What is a cactus’ favorite MC Hammer song?
Can’t touch this.
What's a werewolf healed from Lycanthropy?
Over the moon.
What goes: vroooom-schreech, vrooom-schreech, vroooom-schreech? A blonde at a flashing red light
What do you call an evil turkey? Poultry-Geist.
Did you hear about the race between the lettuce and the tomato? The lettuce was a "head" and the tomato was trying to "ketchup"!
What did the pineapple say to the pineapple chunk? Stay golden.
What do get when you cross a chili pepper, steam shovel, and a Chihuahua? A hot, diggety dog.
After the Palace of Versailles was completed, Louis XIV felt Baroque and roll.
Wolves love taking woofles for breakfast, they are sweet and amazing.
What football team do energy providers root for the most?
The Chargers.
Why will the fruits beat the vegetables?
They have a better punch!
“They dream in courtship, but in wedlock wake.” — Alexander Pope
Go to BabaMail
