A recent finding by statisticians found that the average human has one breast and one testicle.
Where do brains go for vacation in Massachusetts?
Braintree, MA
What did one body of water say to the other?
"Do you sea what I sea?"
When wearing a bikini, women reveal 90 % of their body... men are so polite they only look at the covered parts.
Babe, your eyes are bluer than the ocean Columbus sailed… and I’m lost at sea.
You make me want to upgrade my Tivo.
Child’s Death Ruins Couple’s Holiday
70 percent of the human body is made up of water and im very thirsty.
What do you call a squirrel with no nuts?
A female squirrel.
My dad told me he’s not gonna eat my deviled eggs this thanksgiving.
He told me they’re possessed.
How do you spell banana? E, V, I, L. Do banana's drink coke or pepsi? Neither, they drink blood because they're evil.
"I am pretty sure that, if you will be quite honest, you will admit that a good rousing sneeze, one that tears open your collar and throws your hair into your eyes, is really one of life's sensational pleasures." - Robert Benchley
The favorite soccer position for ghosts is the ghoul keeper.
I thought I saw some fog yesterday.
But I guess my memory’s a little cloudy.
What do you call a hot dog race? Wiener takes all.
There was an Old Man of the Nile,
Who sharpened his nails with a file,
Till he cut out his thumbs,
And said calmly, 'This comes
Of sharpening one's nails with a file!'
Hey is your name Cameron? Cuz I’d love a Camera-n to capture that gorgeous face of yours.
Man to wife, “Blow out your candles and make a wish”.
The wife does but a look of disappointment crosses her face.
“What’s the matter,” he asks.
“My wish didn’t work.” she replies.
“How do you know already?” he enquires.
“You’re still here.”
What did the monkey say when he cut off his tail?
It won’t be long now.
What do you call a snowman party?
A snowball.
If you are what you eat, does that mean all squirrels are nuts?
Just found out my cousin who had a stuttering problem died in prison
He didn't even finish his sentence
Cook a man a fish and you feed him for a day, but teach a man to fish and you get rid of him for the whole weekend.
There's something gorgeous about your eyes...
Oh, that's it! It's my reflection.
It’s so cold the cosmetics counter at the local department store started selling cream for goosebumps.
There is always a first time to everything. For instance, when you take a mushroom either for lunch or dinner, you will be amazed at how magical it is.
You’re not 50 years old, you are 20 years old with 30 years of experience!
Don’t ask me why I love wine. I have my rieslings.
What happens when Greeks come back from war?
They get a gyro’s welcome.
Guns don’t kill people...
Bullets, it’s bullets that kill people.
What was the owl’s favorite Whitney Houston song?
Owl always love you.
A car company tried to make a submarine, but it kept surfacing too quickley
The crew got the Mercedes-Bends
My race time today was much better than yesterday. I was in a whole different gear.
A blond meets up with a friend as she's picking up her car from the mechanic.
"Everything ok with your car now?"
"Yes, thank goodness," the blond replies.
"Weren't you worried the mechanic might try to rip you off?"
"Yeah, but he didn't. I was so relieved when he told me all I needed was blinker fluid!"
“My friends and family always thought I was pretty funny, but I don’t know if they thought I was get-my-own-show funny.”
- Nick Kroll
What's a dragon's favorite snack?
Fire Crackers!
A Zebra said to a Lion “Let’s swap roles for a while."
The Lion said “ I’m game!”.
Why was the burger sad after losing the race? Because the hotdog was the weiner.
What did the Clydesdale use to deal cards at the casino?
A horse-shoe.
Which hotel do mice most often use?
The Stilton.
I went to the Veterinarian today.
She really knew how to make my dog heal.
What do bees call wasps?
Wanna-bees.
A good workman doesn't blame his fools
\*tools.
Stupid keyboard.
What was the Vikings favorite song while invading England ?
Heathen flow by Pearl Jam
Baby, you rock my world!
Why did the jazz musician refuse to be quarantined?
Cause he was an outdoor cat.
“The light made the snowballs look yellow. Or at least I hoped that was the cause.” — Gary D. Schmidt
What is a cheese’s favorite kind of philosophy?
Epistemology and fetaphysics.
What do you call a mosquito with a turbo?
A bug-hati.
If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words?
Go to BabaMail
