Santa hit a dragon and killed it whilst flying over medieval England...
... guess you could say he sleighed it
Why did the skeleton go to the dance?
To see the boogie man.
Why couldn't the pirate play cards?
Because he was sitting on the deck.
What should you do if a car is annoying you.
Give the car a head rest.
Why do pandas like old movies?
Because they’re in black and white.
What kind of potato do you want to take home to your parents? A sweet potato.
What martial art does Earth know?
Geo-Jitsu.
What do elves learn when they go to school?
The elf-abet.
My sister asked me to stop singing “Wonderwall”
I said maybe.
Why couldn't the mathematician cross the road?
Because he kept trying to half the distance.
Why do bees have sticky hair?
Because they use honeycombs.
Why did the tectonic plates break up? It wasn’t her fault, but there was just too much friction between them.
You know what’s on the menu? ME-N-U
“Dear Monday, I want to break up. I’m seeing Tuesday and dreaming about Friday. Sincerely, it’s not me, it’s you.”
Any advice on getting a pet pig? Just be sure you get the pig of the litter.
I could have been an astronaut...
but my parents told me the sky was the limit.
Let me sell you an indulgence because it's a sin to look as good as you do.
A man struggled to cut up his dinner. His wife asked, “what’s wrong, hunny?” The man sighed, and said:
“This knife just isn’t gonna cut it.”
What do the elves cook with in the kitchen? Utinsel.
Baby, are you a lane rope? Because I want to lay on you all day long.
What do you call a Mexican unicorn? Junicorn.
What Disney movie can a deer watch over and over again?
Fawn-tasia.
Money won’t buy happiness, but it will pay the salaries of a large research staff to study the problem.
Bill Vaughan
I’m in such a Henri to get to France!
"If I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a million times: Don’t exaggerate!"
Anonymous
“We’ve been friends for so long, I can’t remember which one of us is the bad influence.”
— Unknown
Do you know what rhymes with cucumber?
Can I get your phone number?
Did you hear about the soldier who got struck by lightning?
He had to be honorably discharged.
“Marriage: sometimes soulmates, sometimes cellmates.”—Rory Elder
Q: Why did no one like peach’s personality?
A: Because it had a heart of stone.
I told my boss, "Sorry I'm late. I was having computer issues."
Boss: Hard drive?
Me: No, the commute was fine. It's my laptop.
Elephant boxing matches are very difficult to watch. It becomes tough to identify as both have grey trunks!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Gnome.
Gnome who?
Gnome sweet gnome.
"On cloud wine."
Your hold on my heart is perennial, I’ll keep coming back always.
"Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your retirement home."- Phyllis Diller
Why was the snake mad at the jewel thief?
Because he wanted his diamondback.
Why did the orange become juice?
It couldn't handle the pressure.
What do you use to get paint off a snake?
Serpentine.
Swallowing a cherry stone is not the end of the world. It’s just one of life’s little pitfalls.
Why are walnuts the best secret keepers? They walnut say anything to anyone.
What should you do when you see Frankenstein walking towards you?
Make a bolt for it.
Is that a magic wand in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?
What kind of croc hangs out in back passages around town?
An Alley-gator.
Why should you never break up with a goalie?
Because he is a keeper!
What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball? A guy will actually SEARCH for a golf ball.
What belongs to you but others use more? Your name
Why was the cow always exercising? To build up its moo-scles
Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?
Because it looks like you landed on your face.
Are you a baker? ‘Cause those buns look TASTY.
Go to BabaMail
