I am out of chemistry jokes. I should zinc of a new one.
Strawberries love delicious food. Their favorite is Jam-balaya.
Why does Santa Claus go down the chimney on Christmas Eve? Because it soot's him Why are Christmas trees so fond of the past? Because the present's beneath them.
The vampire decided to eat a throat lozenge. It was the only thing he could think of to stop his coffin fit.
What do you get when you cross Elon Musk and lobster bisque? A souped up car.
Who did the horse ask to be his second wife?
A manewer model.
Are you hypokalemia? Because you make me feel weak at the knees.
My wife: Did you know a single dolphin can have more than 200 offspring?
Me: Wow How about the married ones?
What do you call someone who eats too many eggs?
An egg-oholic.
What was the light bulb’s occupation?
He was a conductor
My son is a man trapped in a woman’s body..
He’ll be born in March.
Officer: “I’m sorry sir, it looks like your wife has been hit by a truck.”
Me: ”Yeah I know, but she’s got a great personality though!”
Djokovic to his friends the morning after winning the U.S. Open: Is anyone hungry for some Denny’s? Because I would like another Grand Slam.
Why did the blonde put sugar on her bed? Because she wanted sweet dreams!
If this new covid vaccine works...
...It'll be a real shot in the arm for 2021.
Did you hear about the scared kangaroo?
Yeah, he was a bit jumpy.
I saw a headline in the newspaper that said someone made a bomb out of nitrous oxide.
This is no laughing matter.
Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Mikey.
Mikey who?
Mikey doesn’t fit in the keyhole.
What did the drummer name his twin daughters?
Anna1, Anna2
Why don’t snakes drink coffee?
Because it makes them viperactive.
Son: Hey dad, I stole a peach from the grocery store today.
Dad: Why?
Son: I don’t know, but I feel guilty. It’s a real pit in my stomach.
Old gorillas never die, but they do go bananas.
Knock Knock Jokes
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Canoe.
Canoe who?
Canoe help me with my homework?
What do you call a man in the ocean with no arms and no legs? Bob.
Do you like bananas or blueberries?
I want to know what kind of pancakes to make in the morning.
What do fruit bowls say when they dress up as a ghost on Halloween? Be cherry afraid!
A beaver asked his fellow beavers to hurry up and said, "Water you waiting for, make haste."
What happens when a frogs car breaks down?
It has to be toad away.
“To attract men, I wear a perfume called ‘New Car Interior.'”
– Rita Rudner
Checked into a hotel and was offered the black & white or the rainbow room. I chose the rainbow one as I like a room with a hue.
Dear Winter — I'm breaking up with you. Summer is hotter than you.
Is it hard to count conifers? It’s as simple as one, two, tree!
My sheep-powered computer was starting to run slowly
So I added more ram
Roses are red, violets are blue, how would you like it if I came home with you?
Why does everyone invite ice cream to the party?
It’s cool.
The snow leopard appeared just at the time our guide predicted it. It appeared white on time!
What kind of fish do you catch with Gummy Worms?
Swedish Fish.
My New Years resolution for next year will be to finally get that laser eye surgery I’ve always wanted
It’s my 2020 vision
Did you see that all the snow and ice are melting?
I thaw!
Did you hear about the restaurant they built on the moon?
The food is good but it lacks atmosphere.
I followed my heart to you.
What's a nervous person's favorite drink?
Insecuri tea!
Why did the volleyball player get sent to jail? Because he was set up.
What do you call a grumpy and short-tempered gardener?
A Snapdragon.
“It took me three weeks to stuff the turkey. I stuffed it through the beak.” —Phyllis Diller
Car puns are really tiring
Where’s a dolphin’s favorite place to drink?
A dive bar!
So I went to France and bought a house made of bread
I guess you could say I'm living in pain.
Are your mathematics? I want to solve you.
I found a cutlery dispenser that doesn’t work properly
No forks were given.
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