Why do native Americans hate the snow?
Because it is white and settles all over their land.
My pet parrot, Nickel, just passed away.
Now I have a Nickel-less cage.
Why did the River go to the doctor? Her flow wouldn't stop.
People are always after me lucky charms.
I can't hear out of my ear...
It's really EAR-itating.
Do you like yoga? Because yoganna love what I can offer you.
What did the gardeners say when he discovered nasty weeds in his garden?
I have spotted spurge!
It’s so hot I’m sweating like a politician on election day.
Was your guacamole salad good?
Yes, it was avocado this world.
What do you call a basin full of denim?
A gene pool!
Why did the baby chick cross the road?
It was a take-your-child-to-work day.
Chuck Norris knows Victoria's secret.
Your beauty warms and lights up these frozen surroundings.
What's so special about twitter alphabet soup? It only has 140 letters.
I'd steer clear of dating a dyslexic bus driver.
Sure, they may take you places, but there'll be mixed signals along the way.
The male pig puts everyone to sleep.
You might say he’s quite a boar.
“Best friends know how crazy you are and still choose to be seen with you in public.”
— Unknown
I asked my friend for a tube of toothpaste. He gave me the smallest tube I’ve ever seen.
Next time, I’ll ask for teethpaste.
What did the orange say before he started his new job?
“The zest is yet to come!”
Have you ever tried to eat a clock? It's very time consuming.
What do zebras hold?
Ze boobs.
What do you get if you cross an alligator with a flower?
I don’t know, but I will not smell it!
We all know that rooms are just empty spaces, and no one can even dream of making a delicacy out of them. The only room is the mushroom.
What do you call cheese that isn’t yours?
Hand of the buyer with a piece of cheese in the store
What do you call a berry that plays the trumpet? A tooty fruity!
“Candy is nature’s way of making up for Mondays.”
— Rebecca Gober
That skeleton over there wanted to ask you for your number, but, unlike me, he didn’t have the guts
Can I have your number so I can call you anytime I miss you?
If you were in the jungle, and a gorilla charged you, what should you do?
Pay him.
It’s so hot I wish had got the cloth seats instead of the leather ones.
Who has better beer: Rabbits or Kangaroos?
Kanagaroos. While they both do great with the hops, Kangaroos just have a little more kick!
In what state is the Amazon River? It is in the liquid state.
How can you tell a train just went by? A. You can see it’s tracks!
I heard that starting next year, keyboards will no longer be sold with italics...
But it was a bold-faced lie.
Why do Santa’s helpers go to therapy?
To help their elf esteem.
What did one nut say to the other?
“Cashew later.”
Choreographers are always hard to get in touch with because they are always blocking you.
My father ran his whole roofing business and it was a great success.
He had to stay on top of things though.
“It wouldn’t be Thanksgiving without a little emotional scarring.” — Timothy Burke, “Friends”
The least favorite day for an orange is a juice day.
What is a skeleton’s favorite plant?
A bone-zai tree.
I go through so much shampoo it's just ridiculous!
I don't know, maybe my head is bigger than most but it does say to use a cap full.
How did the kittens express their love for each other? In Holy Catrimony
"You can live to be a hundred if you give up all things that make you want to live to be a hundred." - Woody Allen
Girl, you make my crotch rise from the dead
Why did George Washington have sleeping problems? Because he is unable to lie.
Why did the corn farmer go to jail?
He was stalking someone in a field.
“They were a people so primitive they did not know how to get money, except by working for it.” Joseph Addison.
What do you call a guitar used to play pool?
A cue stick.
Why is it a bad idea to pick a fight with a real estate agent?
They can flip houses whenever they want!
Go to BabaMail
