My brother sprayed on some of his new deodorant. "How do I smell?" He asked.
"With your nose" I replied.
“Winter is nature’s way of saying, ‘Up yours.’”
Knock, knock! Who’s there? Banana. Banana who? Knock knock Who’s there? Banana. Banana who? Knock knock Who’s there? Orange. Orange who? Orange you glad I didn’t say banana?
Heard about the beaver who can split huge logs with his eyes? Yes, he just saw the logs, and they broke into two.
Can I take your picture? I want Santa to know exactly what I want for Christmas.
Why Do News Channels love April Fools Day?
Because it's socially acceptable to do what they already do every day of the year.
Your eyes look like dark black holes, buI can't help but to be drawn in.
Why did the Dragon Cross the Road?
He wanted to eat some chicken.
"Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city."
– George Burns
What do you call a sheep with no head and no legs? A cloud!
"Food is an important part of a balanced diet." —Fran Lebowitz
How many French eggs do you need?
One egg is un oeuf.
“I love playing a dad. It’s hard to find family dramas that are genuinely funny.”
- Peter Gallagher
I was walking home last night through the park, when this scary looking kid drew a knife on me...
The little brat used a permanent marker and it was a bastard to wash it off.
It’s so cold refrigerators are redundant.
The most suitable way to bake a pie in autumn is to bake it to pie-fection!
“A cat is a puzzle for which there is no solution.”
- Hazel Nicholson.
Hey baby, can I roll up your rim?
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Cows go.
Cows go who?
No, cows go MOO!
During the summer break, I enrolled myself in a peach coding course.
I like you a lily bit more every day.
How is bacon like southern Europe?
It's got a lot of Greece in it.
Knock knock!
Who's there?
Amanda.
Amanda who?
Amanda lay you, your lonely nights are over.
What did the phone say to the radio when they met for a date?
This is AUXhilarating
Are you a verb? Because you look a little tense, but I can put you in the mood.
My neighbors are listening to great music. Whether they like it or not!
My dad hates the ocean, but the other day he bought a boat.
He never could resist a good sail.
Even the heaviest chandelier is pretty light.
Why would a real estate business never close down?
Since it’ll never be out of commission.
Knock knock!
Who's there?
Jamaican.
Jamaican who?
Jamaican me horny.
"A slice of pie without cheese is like a kiss without a squeeze."
— Stephen King
Why do bears have sticky fur?
Because they use honey combs.
What does a squirrel wear on its feet?
Cashews
Every 60 seconds, a minute passes.
What do you call a very tall cherry blossom tree in Italy? The leaning flower of Pisa.
“Yoga is not about tightening your ass. It’s about getting your head out of it.” — Eric Paskel
What is a ghost’s favorite carnival ride? The rollerghoster.
Why did the bat fire a chauffeur?
He drove everyone batty.
Why are elephants scared of computers?
Because of the mouse.
Why did dad shave his daughters barbie?
She wanted 100 doll hairs.
You're like a dictionary, you add meaning to my life.
Why did Moses cross the Red Sea?
To get to the other side.
you must be augmented cause my love for you just won't diminish!
What kind of wine do traffic cops like best?
Fine wine!
Why couldn’t the donut reach enlightenment? Because it was already holy.
What is the deer’s favorite food group?
“Deer-y products!”
Why don’t vampires use the front door?
Because they use the bat flap instead.
There was an Old Person of Buda,
Whose conduct grew ruder and ruder;
Till at last, with a hammer,
They silenced his clamour,
By smashing that Person of Buda.
Why did the baseball player decide to shut down his website?
It just wasn't getting any hits.
Dad asked if he could borrow my deodorant.
I said "sure, no sweat."
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