Did you like my HTTP 200 joke?
It was OK.
When is a vegetable also a nut?
When it’s a corn!
What happens to a frog's car when it breaks down?
It gets toad away.
What’s a gorilla’s favourite pop group? A: Bananarama!
Green seemed to disappear from the rainbow it came back in full force, olive and kicking.
How do you get two whales in a car?
Start in England and drive west.
What's a pickle's favorite book?
To Dill A Mockingbird.
A well-loved parrot died, and was digitally immortalized in a 3D rendering.
Polygon but not forgotten.
Can we still share a netflix account?
Girl, are you an adjective? Cause you should come first every day.
Batman walks into a superhero-only pool, he is quickly stopped by a guard, the guard points to a sign that says
"No swimming without supervision."
Are you on the endangered species list cause baby you are one of a kind!
My friend accidentally got salt in his papercut.
Talk about adding insalt to injury.
Roses are red,
violets are blue,
I was born smart,
What happened to you?!
My leaf blower doesn’t work.
It just sucks!
It's lit.
Want to plan a ride up the hill. It feels great when you're on top.
I’d like to throw away my old can, but my pusher friend here says he loves junk balls.
What do you call a guy who believes in ethical treatment of spiders?
Peta Parker.
Why do worms hate graveyards?
They keep bumping into skeletons!
I'm on a hunt - for your number.
What is small, has a long tail and works with the police?
A gerbil shepherd dog!
Knock, knock,
Who’s there?
Olive.
Olive who?
Olive you!
My strategy is simple, knocking them down a pin at a time.
Why did the girl put lipstick on her forehead?
She needed to makeup her mind!
Are you an alarm clock? Because I want to kill you.
Wow, you have a the chin of Superman. I bet you could take a serious punch.
If it was 1984, and I was Big Brother, I'd only watch you.
"I only workout, because I really really like donuts."
- Unknown
[Chips] This is what I call a chip shot.
Hey, wanna come to my place and observe something else that's constantly expanding?
I once knew a man who lived in a jar.
For a stranger sight you’d have to go far.
I asked him once why he lived in a jar.
He grimaced and said, how bizarre you are.
My jar’s so cozy, warm and bright,
Even in the full moonlight.
The only drawback is, you see,
Getting out quickly when I have to pee.
(Irwin Mercer)
What's the difference between Wuhan and Las Vegas?
What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.
I’m soy into you.
Why didn’t the horse tell her friend she was a thief?
She didn’t want to saddle her with that information.
What do you call an alligator who is holding a compass?
A navigator.
Q. What did the mother doe name her new twin babies?
A. Bam B and Bam A.
The abdominal snowman is just a snowman with a six-pack.
I'd tell you about a girl that eats nothing but vegetables,
but I'm sure you've herbivore.
“Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep.” – Scott Adams
What do kids play when they can’t play with a phone?
Bored games.
“The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.” —Henny Youngman
I’m reading a book about anti-gravity and it’s impossible to put down.
Are you Vietnamese? Cause I'm falling pho you.
If you put a strawberry in the freezer, you can make a strawberry shake!
Why would you Mary Shelley when you could marry me?
Sorry I've been following you...
But my parents told me to chase my dreams.
Give me some pigskin
What did the tortilla chip say to the avocado when the dip bowl was empty?
“We’ve hit guac bottom!”
I heard some crows communicating after one of their own was injured.
They were caws for concern.
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