What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?
A ferrous wheel.
What did the ghost knights say to the cloud king?
Our souls will rain forever.
What do aspens wear to school? A tree-shirt.
You must be a neuron, cause you’ve got some action potential.
Two Convicts Evade Noose, Jury Hung
I just found out you should never put a bar of soap in the dishwasher.
It's hand wash only.
Why did the uncouth spud not stop talking during the football game?
Because he was a common-tater.
Why are cedars so hard to get along with? They suffer from bigo-tree and ex-tree-mism.
Do you have an inhaler? You took my breath away.
When I don't have time to iron a shirt, I just steel one.
A redhead tells her blonde stepsister, "I slept with a Brazilian." The blonde replies, "Oh my God! You slut! How many is a brazilian?"
Why did the blond enter the tennis courts naked?
Because the sign said tennis shoes only.
What do geologists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms? A ferrous wheel.
What does a shark like to eat with peanut butter? Jellyfish!
The apple says to the pineapple “What? Go out with you tonight? It will not happen in a million years!” Since then, we have a crushed pineapple.
Once, a wizard had cursed a knight and turned him into a bird. To express his sorrow, he sang throughout the entire day because he had become a knightingle.
What happened to the cat that went to the flea circus? She stole the whole show.
“If love is the answer, could you rephrase the question.” - Lily Tomlin
I don’t have a controller,
And I don’t have a screen,
I don’t need to be plugged in,
I’m not grey and green.
I can’t make sound effects,
Or visuals that are fantastic,
You can’t put me on a shelf,
Because I’m not made of plastic.
However, I do have curves,
Will keep you entertained all the same,
You can’t insert a disc,
But we can make our own little game.
(Sarah Allen)
What bat was called an invader?
Bat-talina.
My son asked me, "Daddy, why do bees stay in the hive in the winter?" I smiled and answered...
"Swarm."
Two racquets started dating. Unfortunately, one was stringing the other along without any intention of tying the knot.
"Marry a man your own age; as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight." – Phyllis Diller
How do you know your dehydrated? You can hear your red blood cells crenating.
What happens when you rub two oranges together?
You get Pulp Friction.
If a hole isn't full of water then it isn't feeling well
“Oh yes I will work out today. I will work out a way to avoid running for a stupid cause.”
Stanley from The Office
Who granted the fish’s wish?
The fairy cod mother!
Belize let me hold you.
“Avoid any diet that discourages the use of hot fudge.”
Tom Waits
How did the avocado feel after a day at the gym?
Hard core.
Who is running the corona virus relief?
WHO??
I’m a fraction – be my other half.
What do beavers like to put on their salads?
Branch dressing.
After the rain has cleared and the sun comes out, rainbows are so quick to appear they'll red like wildfire.
My partner got mad when she found so much spam on my computer.
She said, "Food belongs on a plate!"
There's something wrong with my phone. It doesn't have your number in it.
Why did the gardener think her plant was sick?
It was looking very green.
What is a ghoul’s favorite snack food?
Ghoul scout cookies!
What kind of hats does the skeleton baseball league wear?
Skullcaps.
What do you call 144 kangaroos in a box?
Gross.
I used to be a werewolf but I’m ok noooooooooooow!!
What do you call an ant that doesn’t sink?
Bouy-ant.
My wife threw a block of cheddar at my head
I said "Well that's mature."
So how many cats do you have?
Miners Refuse to Work after Death.
What’s the number one complaint pig spouses have about one another? Too stub-boar-n.
Sheep jokes are bad.
Really baaaaaaa-d.
What do you call a meal from the moon?
A satellite dish.
“Watching a dog try to chew a large piece of toffee is a pastime fit for gods. Mr. Fusspot’s mixed ancestry had given him a dexterity of jaw that was truly awesome. He somersaulted happily around the floor, making faces like a rubber gargoyle in a washing machine.”—Terry Pratchett
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