Why did the blond enter the tennis courts naked?
Because the sign said tennis shoes only.
Who's Denmark's greatest Zombie actor?
Rigor Mortissen
Girl, want to watch me play? I never miss the target.
My wireless keyboard isn't working
I guess I need to re-pair it.
“I’m a typical Capricorn. I’m hardworking, loyal, sometimes stubborn, and I don’t believe in astrology.”
— Jonah Peretti
Pardon me for drooling, but without my jaw, I can't help myself.
Q: Why are cherries never lonely?
A: Because they hang around in bunches.
How about you and I form a binary system?
Did you hear about the famous Spanish streaker?
Senor Willy.
What do you call a dinosaur that eats fireworks? A dino-mite
What do you call a number that can’t keep still?
A roamin’ numeral.
"Summer does mean no school for my children. Hey, who doesn’t deserve a three-month break after a rigorous year of kindergarten?"
– Jim Gaffigan
Hey, babe. I think it's time we take our relationship to the previous level.
My new toaster oven is a huge improvement for making lunch.
I used to eat unappetizing sandwiches but I quit cold turkey.
You make me more excited than gifts under a Christmas tree.
I saw a lady riding a camel and being pulled by a truck...
It was a camel tow
Looks like I’ve finally found my one and Zoe
It's hunting season and fox like you shouldn't be out in the open!
What happens when no one comes to your birthday party?
You can have your cake and eat it too.
Frankenstein wasn’t very compliant.
He was mad and annoyed and defiant.
But he happened to pass
Anger management class —
And turned into The Jolly Green Giant!
“Dear Monday, my mama doesn’t like you and she likes everyone.”
What do you call a lazy baby kangaroo?
A pouch potato.
Why is IKEA the cheapest place to get furniture?
Because they have some Swede deals!
All my neighbours bought the same set of stereos...
When will they stop stereotyping?
How did the tigers greet the other animals in the jungle? "Hey! Pleased to eat you."
In what country is Thanksgiving ironically not celebrated? Turkey.
Why was the penguin popular?
Because he was an ice guy.
What do you call really scared pasta?
Chicken noodles.
You really ate dog meat? How was it?
.... ruff
Where do bats keep their money? The blood bank!
Your beauty is blinding.
I was testing the speaker phone on the intercom on our landline with my father yesterday.
It started to make that annoying noise. My old man said it was too close to call.
What's a chef's favourite drug?
Pot.
Facebook just sounds like a drag, in my day seeing pictures of peoples vacations was considered a punishment.
Betty White
Why did the chicken cross the road?
I don't know.
To get to the idiot's house.
Knock Knock.
Who's there?
The chicken.
Why did the man get so sad his computer had a virus?
It was a terminal illness.
Guy: "Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?"
Girl: "No, but I did scrape my knees a couple times crawling up from hell."
What did the nut tree say when his wife left him? I walnut stand for this!
When I tried taking a picture of my bread load, it came out grainy. I think that that is a common problem.
Why was the baseball player so good at writing advertising jingles?
Because they're so catchy.
In my own version of the periodic table of elements, the number one element is U.
What tree makes fruit that tastes a lot like chicken? Poultree.
What do you call a rabbit who is angry over getting burnt? A hot cross bunny.
Thought I saw a zebra in a field near my house recently, turned out to be a horse in his pyjamas.
"Love is a temporary insanity curable by marriage."
- Ambrose Bierce
I'm no organ donor, but I'd be happy to give you my heart.
I can't stand Greek salads.
I like un-feta'd access to my greens.
I dare you to lie that you didn’t find all these space puns hilarious. Th
What can one parrot do?
Not as much as toucan.
Doctor: I'm afraid we've had to remove your colon
Me Why?
Go to BabaMail
