"You don't pay taxes ― they take taxes."
― Chris Rock
What did the rainbow say to the other rainbow? Nothing, it was feeling blue.
It’s so hot I saw a cop chasing a thief and they were both walking.
What do frogs drink?
Croak-a-cola.
What's the fastest thing on the river bed?
A motor-pike and side-carp.
Why did the action potential cross the optic chiasm?
To get to the other side.
You are more beautiful then all the fireworks tonight.
Girl, I'm jealous of your shirt.
Because it's wrapped around you and I'm not.
What do you call a nut who loves the game of chess?
A chess-nut.
This eye pun couldn't be any cornea.
Q: Why is a carrot orange and pointy?
A: Because if it was green and round, it would be a pea!
What do you call a clever ant?
Brilli-ant.
One of my mother's friends asked if she could be a surrogate
I guess she was just looking for a womb for rent.
What do prisoners use to call each other?
Cell phones.
Can I help you carry your groceries to the car?
Why do we put candles on top of a birthday cake? Because it's too hard to put them on the bottom!
A cheese factory exploded in France...
da brie is everywhere.
What is the most effective way to cook a crocodile?
In a croc pot.
I hear your thirsty? Well I've got a six pack right here!
What do fish take to stay healthy?
Fish take Vitamin Sea to stay healthy!
Is that the sun coming up?
Or is it just you lighting up my world?
“Animals may be our friends, but they won’t pick you up at the airport."
- Bobcat Goldthwait
Why couldn’t the teddy bear finish his dessert?
Cause he was stuffed.
What do a pregnancy test and hummus have in common?
They both require a chickpea.
Why Was The Teacher Annoyed With The Duck?
Because he wouldn't quit quackin' jokes!
Have you ever heard of the Poder bird?
It is also known as the Toucan
I always like to keep a jar of peanut butter in the car when I travel on a busy freeway ...
just in case there’s a traffic jam.
What type of car does a cowboy drive?
Audi partner.
I once convinced my younger brother to swallow a small lamp.
I got in so much trouble but it was worth it to see his little face light up.
What is a vampire’s favorite fruit?
A blood orange.
Why were the Vikings such good sailors?
You can lead a Norse to water but you can't make him sink.
It’s so cold I had to eat ice cream just to warm up.
Why did the viper, viper nose?
Because the adder, adder hankerchief.
When I went to highschool in Italy my classmates were one year older than me.
I Skipped pasta grade.
How did the small oven greet the large oven?
He Microwaved.
What do you call a chicken looking at a bowl of lettuce?
Chicken sees a salad.
Do you want to be my doubles partner...for life?
Why was the software engineer bankrupt? He’d used all his cache.
What happens when you cross a cell phone with a skunk?
You get stinky service!
What did the teacher say when he sent the naughty student out of the (mush)room? - You’re in big truffle young man!
A giant fly has attacked the local police...
Police have called SWAT team.
What is the best toothpaste for the brain?
Neural crest.
Don't get tide-up in sorrows, you will only cry a river.
What is the popular Christmas carol in Desert? Camel ye Faithful.
Why did the beaver refuse to laugh at any of the twig's jokes? He is not a big fan of dry humor.
My biology class was going on and on, and I was stuck in the middle of it. Well, you know, this is how it feels to be an on-i-on.
I bet your number sounds even better than you look right now.
How did Frankenstein know Jesus was coming for a visit?
He used his frankincense.
You are un-beer-lievable!
I squeezed the innards of a pumpkin into a glass, and the result was just beautiful
In fact, it was gourdjuice.
Go to BabaMail
