Wow, you’re gorgeous. I’m definitely in Awe-stin of you.
Why didn’t the skeleton laugh at the joke?
Because he didn’t have a funny bone.
What's the best way to get King Kong to sit up and beg? Wave a two-ton banana in front of his nose.
It was a great fire. It was a bon-fire.
"If I hold a can of soda up to my ear and listen carefully, I can hear my bones pleading for a glass of milk."
– Bridger Winegar
How do you impregnate a submarine?
Fill it with seamen.
“Do you think Abe Lincoln would have declared Thanksgiving a national holiday if he knew it would mean the Lions play every year?” — Conan O’Brien
The coddled superstar sat in the seats with the fans instead of on the bench
with the team; for this, ironically enough, he was accused of grandstanding!
What do horses use to eat?
Breastplates.
What’s the slang term for a harpsichord?
A Baroque man’s piano.
“Love means never having to say “Should we get dessert?”
― Unknown
Don't give up at this stage, just keep cawing on, you will do great.
What do you call a lazy baby kangaroo?
A pouch potato.
Why did Karen press Ctrl-Shift-Esc on her keyboard?
Because she wanted to speak to the Task Manager!
Why is a baby showing the top of its head during labor a significant event?
Because that’s the baby’s crowning achievement.
Make your own decisions this summer, don’t give in to pier pressure.
What is the collective noun for cars?
Pack of cars.
Why did the zebra cross the road?
Because it was a zebra crossing.
Today isn’t the day to be making jokes about the weather.
It’s snow joke.
Can you tell me the oxidation state of this atom? If you can’t, then you can tell me your phone number instead?
The best punishment to give orange kids is getting them canned. This is the only way to prevent them from going bad.
Have you ever tried to write your own puns?
It's a fairly difficult pun-dertaking!
If two vampires have a race, will it be neck and neck?
What kind of institution is Marriage?
One where a man loses his Bachelor's Degree and the woman gets her Masters.
If you were a dynamically allocated variable in a C++ program, you'd create a leak. Because I'd never delete you from my life.
What does a trumpet and a lawsuit have in common? Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.
Want to plan a ride up the hill. It feels great when you're on top.
How does a penguin build it’s house?
Igloos it together.
Roses are red,
Pizza sauce is too,
I ordered a large one,
I’m not sharing with you.
What would mothers most like to make on Thanksgiving dinner?
Good restaurant reservations.
We’re not socks, but we make an excellent pair.
It is ridiculous having a basketball team that lacks a website. Do you mean none of them can string three W’s together?
What do you call a duck that steals soap from the bathtub?
A robber ducky.
Whale, whale, whale …
If it isn’t a pod.
You must be Portuguese because I could Lisbon to that accent all night long.
What do you call a bat with the flu?
An airborne disease.
I know the difference between "less" and "fewer," but don't worry, you won't have to ask me for either of them.
What do they call a wild elf in Texas?
Gnome on the range!
“Good Morning! Open your mouth wide! I’ll just keep going and put that coffee right in there!”
– Unknown
“I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.” —Phyllis Diller
Was that an earthquake or are you rocking this run?
What did Dracula say when he saw a giraffe for the first time?
I’d like to get to gnaw you.
The sun replies: I hurt everyone when they come close to me.
When I arrived onset on a cloudy, dreary day, too many actors had been hired for the small part...
It was overcast.
My wife asked if I knew how to turn on the dishwasher.
I told her I would some flirty compliments.
The nut said it was very pine-ful when its’ shell cracked.
A sad bullet comes home to his family.
"Honey you look terrible!" Exclaims his wife. "What happened?"
"I got fired."
Why is it hard to carry on a conversation with a goat?
Because they are always butting in.
“My grandpa started walking five miles a day when he was 60. Now he’s 97 years old and we have no clue where he is.”
I’ve always thought that heck is the only thing hotter than the sun but that has all changed today.
Go to BabaMail
