What do you call flowers who are bffs?
Buds.
Which course gives Tiger Woods the most trouble? Intercourse!
What is it called when a tree stabs his friend in the back?
A be-tree-yal
Where do otters come from?
Otter Space.
“There is nothing better than a friend, unless it’s a friend with chocolate.”
— Linda Grayson
“Money is something you have to make in case you don’t die.” Max Asnas.
People often accuse me of "stealing other's jokes" and being "a plagiarist." Their words not mine.
Your eyes glow just like the twin suns on my home planet.
What do doctors do to injured elements? They helium.
I showed my mom my report card, she said that she needed to see more A's
I said OKAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY
What is a flower’s favorite vegetable?
Cauliflower.
V
V
Edit*: sorry it seems as the CTRL button on my keyboard isn't working
Flat earthers fear 6 feet social distancing could push some people over the edge.
Of all the rocks in the world, I’d pick you.
How did the mummy defeat Superman? He had Cryptonite.
How do werewolves eat lunch?
They wolf it down.
Onions are unable to store water inside them because there is always a leek.
If you were a booger I'd pick you first.
Roses are red, my face is too, this only happens when I cycle with you.
My husband was allergic to my cat so I knew I had to get rid of him… so I’m looking to rehome Gerry, he’s thirty-five and works in accounting!
What do you call an artist without a palette? Someone who makes paintings without taste.
The favorite drink for batman is a fruit punch.
Rebel without a Claus.
What do you call a dinosaur as tall as a house, with long sharp teeth, and 12 claws on each foot? Sir.
What do you call a dinosaur as tall as a house, with long sharp teeth, 12 claws on each foot and a personal stereo over his ears? Anything you like, he won't hear you!
Why did the potato run across the road?
So it wouldn’t get mashed.
"Love is sharing your popcorn."
- Charles Schultz.
There's a programme about the history of perfume on TV tonight.
It's on at 8pm on Chanel Number 5!
Why did the blonde skier only wear one boot?
Channel 7's weatherman said there was a 50% chance of snow.
Did you get to meet the tallest vampire in the world? People call him Count Everest.
I could go on and on about Salming but I don't want to Borje.
What did the kitten do when she wanted to order something? She looked in the cat-alog!
How Do Ducks Talk?
They don't, you quack.
I cannot think of anything sweeter than chocolate than - oops! of course, there is you!
What trees do ghouls like best?
Ceme-trees!
Do you want to play house with me? You can be the front door, and I'll slam you until sunrise.
Where do the keys on a keyboard go to have a good time
The spacebar.
There once was a man from Nantucket,
Who kept all of his cash in a bucket,
But his daughter, named Nan,
Ran away with a man,
And as for the bucket, Nantucket.
What do you call a boat full of high school graduates
A scholarship.
Q: Why did the fruit go to the salon?
A: To peach her hair blonde.
Man: Did you fall from heaven?
Woman: No, but I'm an Angel and died fifteen years ago... just like that pick up line.
It’s so hot my dream house is an igloo.
I made a fiddle from a squash yesterday...
... i think it's broken, it only plays gourd vibrations.
Are you a fire detector?
Because you're loud and annoying.
The optimist sees the glass half full.
The pessimist sees the glass half empty.
The chemist see the glass completely full, half in the liquid state and half in the vapor state.
What sport are eggs best at?
Running.
Keeping tropical fish in your home has a calming effect on the brain
because of the indoor fins.
When do zombies go to sleep?
When they are dead tired.
It’s so cold my mail shattered when I tried to open it.
What do you call an italian mosquito?
Malario.
What kind of lights did Noah use on the Ark? Flood lights!
Go to BabaMail
