When she saw all the madness around her, March said, “what’s all that bracket”.
My cat kept jumping onto my desk.
I had to put him down.
I don’t know who became more famous, Sir Francis Bacon or his son
Chris P. Bacon
Are Earth and Moon good friends? Yes, they’ve been going around together for many years now.
My grand father always said "fight Fire with Fire".
He was a great man but a terrible Fireman
In later years was the Great One in decline? Yes he was on the Wayne.
What did the judge say to the dentist? Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth.
You have to be careful these days. I was walking down this creek yesterday and this guy suddenly pulled out a scissor, but luckily I was agile enough to reach into my pocket and pull out a rock because if I had pulled out paper, man I would’ve lost.
"I have a rock garden. Last week three of them died."
- Richard Diran
Jedi Mind Trick: "This is the geek you're looking for." waves hand.
What do goats eat?
Goatmeal.
Give me your number so I can make the call.
Red ship hits Blue ship...
Sailors marooned.
Roses are red, violets are blue,
White wine costs less than a dinner for two.
What do you call an elf that joins the 11 other elves in Santa’s workshop?
The twelf!
What is a monkey's favorite cookie? Chocolate chimp!
What are your times? Because I can show you the time of your life.
During the summer break, I enrolled myself in a peach coding course.
There is no theory of evolution.
Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
All stereos are so typical.
What did the wig say to the head?
I got you covered.
Well, here I am. What were your other two wishes?
You should see what I can do with ice.
What should you do if you can't afford a fancy trumpet?
Buy a frugelhorn
"I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They’ve experienced pain and bought jewelry." — Rita Rudner
What do Saturday and Sunday have in common with the corona virus?
The weakend.
Why did the firefighters bring a dog along with them?
To help them find the nearest fire hydrant.
“Saving is a very fine thing. Especially when your parents have done it for you.” – Winston Churchill
What do you call a man in the ocean with no arms and no legs? Bob.
"What does it mean to pre-board? Do you get on before you get on?"
- George Carlin
My kid asked why I named our WiFi "ship"?
But that's how everything syncs.
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
You thought this was a love poem,
Now the joke is on you.
What does a deer do when it gets to its friend’s house?
Rings the deer bell.
Chuck Norris’ tears can cure you of the coronavirus.
Too bad he doesn’t cry.
“Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.”
George Carlin
A photon checks into a hotel and is asked if he needs any help with his luggage.
It replied, “No, thanks, I am traveling light.”
Why the skeleton doesn't go to the theater?
Because he has nobody to go with.
Girl: Want to see a magic trick?
Boyfriend: Sure.
Girl: Poof you're single.
Why does everyone paint Easter Eggs? Because it is a lot easier than wallpapering them.
Me: Can I get XL shirts here?
Ancient Rome Shopkeeper: Are you sure you want that many shirts?
My email password has been hacked again
That's the third time I've had to rename the cat.
What type of noodles did the ancient Egyptian kings loved to eat? Ramen.
My friend was going to a painting competition, so I wished him, "Grey the force be with you".
What did the tortilla chip say to the guacamole?
“You are all I avo wanted.”
"You can't buy love, but you can pay heavily for it." - Henny Youngman
That girl must be a premature contraction as she makes my heart skip a beat.
A beaver goes into a bar and sees a man standing behind the bar and asks him...
"Excuse me sir. Is the bar tender here?"
I over boiled some venison broth earlier.
It was deerly mist.
Where do you learn to make ice cream?
At sundae school.
Have you watched werewolves taking lunch, you will be amused, they literally wolf it down!
Go to BabaMail
