I should change my name to Billy and get a job as a radio show presenter.
Then I can finally be a Billy-on-air.
A mean crook going down stairs = A condescending con, descending
What do gnomes use to guard their mazes?
Minitaurs.
Where are koalas taken when they die? To an ancient bearial site.
How heavy are your bones?
They are scale-a-ton.
Ana hits a lot of floating shots that her opponents destroy for winners. We need to sitter down and have a talk.
What does the pope eat during lent? Holy mackerel!
I was holding a bottle of laundry detergent when all of a sudden it exploded, completely drenching my hands.
Oh well. I guess my hands are Tide.
Did you know that Beethoven's favorite fruit
Ba Na Na Naaa...Ba Na Na Naaa...
Dud you know Astronauts said steaks are better in space?
They're a little meteor.
"One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas, I'll never know."
hy don’t calculus major throw house parties?
Because they know firsthand that it’s a bad idea to drive and derive.
In the 5th month of every year, my aunt lets her pigs in the field…
It’s mayham!
Happy Valentine's Day!
I hope your day starts off with a bang!
“The only thing that ever sat its way to success was a hen.” — Sarah Brown
What do you say to an astronaut looking for a car park
There's a spaceman.
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Birthdays suck,
If they're not for you.
Happy birthday!
(Kevin Nishmas)
.
I’m not old. I’m aged to perfection. And full bodied.
“Happy Thanksgiving!!! Or as I like to call it: Cheat Day.” — Hugh Jackman
By any chance, is your atomic number 11? Well, it’s because you are sodium fine!
What do you get when your dog jumps into the fire pit? A hot dog.
Have you ever been on a party boat?
It’s a Yacht of fun.
Crows, they just love sports, crow-quet to be precise.
What do you call cheese that is acting crazy? A basket queso.
I’m Hazel-nuts about you
My neighbour didn't like it when I told him off about hoarding toilet paper
To be honest, I think he was being very anal about it.
“Men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage – they’ve experienced pain and bought jewelry.” — Rita Rudner
“They say that love is more important, but have you ever tried to pay your bills with a hug?” – Anonymous
What type of car does a cowboy drive?
Audi partner.
“The safest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it in your pocket.” – Kin Hubbard
What does an exhibitionist snake wear to the beach?
A pythong.
Why did the lake date the river?
He heard that she had a bubbly personality.
Why did Larry the lizard leave his lover longing?
he had ... a reptile dysfunction
I’m a clover, not a fighter.
Why are geologists no fun at parties?
They like to be stone-cold sober.
What does an alcoholic flower say when they reach out for help?
Lilac the ability to stop.
A chemical in science class can make your hands go numb
But math will make you number.
How many knees do men really have? 3 - right knee, left knee and their wee-knee.
“Thanksgiving is a magical time of year when families across the country join together to raise America’s obesity statistics.”
Stephen Colbert
How is a dog and a marine biologist alike? One wags a tail and the other tags a whale.
What’s gray, squeaky and hangs around in caves?
Stalagmice!
Why were medieval people from Mexico such good engineers? This is because they learned in Aztech!
My sister just delivered a baby...
I knew she had it in her.
I would love to live in Yorkshire, because it Leeds me to your heart.
How did the small oven greet the large oven?
He Microwaved.
You must be copper and terillium because you are Cu-Te
My flower blooms whenever I see your beautiful face, I hope you know what I mean.
It’s so cold that the Statue of Liberty put her torch inside her dress!
I find my core strength in you.
When the well-read bird decided to open a restaurant, he named it Red Robin.
Go to BabaMail
