My partner has been having nightmares that he’s a truck. He always wakes up tyred and exhaust-ed.
My girlfriend dressed up as a policewoman for Halloween, told me that I was under arrest on suspicion of being good in bed.
After 2 minutes all charges were dropped due to lack of evidence.
What do you call a computer floating in the ocean? A Dell Rolling in the Deep.
A prisoner was released from jail, he shouted "Yay I'm free I'm free!" A little boy yelled "So what I'm 4 I'm 4!"
I broke up with my girlfriend after she contracted the corona virus
I’ve decided to wash my hands of her.
How do you comfort a grammar fanatic?
their, there, they're.
I could’ve sworn I had your number. I guess you’re going to have to put it on my phone again.
You have the nicest syntax I've ever seen.
What do you call a cow with two legs?
Lean beef.
What do you get if you cross a worm and an elephant? Very big worm holes in your garden.
What did the boy bacon say to the girl bacon? Girl, you're bacon my heart melt.
Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you an automobile. -- Billy Sunday
Hey why Are The Viruses All Gone? Cause They "flu" AWAY.
What would be one of the worst crimes to commit if you were a sheep living in the medieval times?
Muttiny
Do you have any raisins?
No? How about a date?
How did the skeleton know it was going to rain?
He could feel it in his bones.
I caught a fruit fly in the air and killed it.
I'm a gnatural born killer.
Why did the gnome visit his mother?
To get a gnome-cooked meal.
A skeleton walks into a bar.
The bartender says, “What’ll you have?”
The skeleton says, “Gimme a beer and a mop.”
I just heard that the government has made an amendment to lockdown to allow Father Christmas out...
It's called the Santa Clause
My husband won't let the kids take toys with them when they go potty, but I do.
It is a toy-let, after all.
What do you get when you drop a pumpkin? Squash.
A sweater I bought was picking up static electricity. So, I returned it to the store. They gave me another one free of charge.”
My sister once took a knight as a dance partner to her high-school party because it was a prom knight.
How about I perform a sort on your variables, and you can analyze my performance? If I were sin2x and you were cos2x, together we’d be ONE!
Wanna see a magic trick? Abrakadabra, you're single now.
I'm a good basketball handler, what about you?
Chuck Norris just put up a new sign outside his house...
It says 'Welcome, Spanish Inquisition!'
What do you call a blonde with half a brain? Gifted!
When is a synapse like a tree?
When it is pruned.
Why are Scandinavian women so hot?
The Vikings didn't bring back the ugly ones.
When the proposal of building a parking lot was given to Richard III, he told said, "Over my dead body."
“Road trips required a couple of things: a well-balanced diet of caffeine, salt, and sugar and an excellent selection of tunes—oh, and directions.”
– Jenn McKinlay
“No matter how much cats fight, there always seem to be plenty of kittens." - Abraham Lincoln
There was an Old Man of Cape Horn,
Who wished he had never been born;
So he sat on a chair,
Till he died of despair,
That dolorous Man of Cape Horn.
I lost a cooking challenge once for not completing the dish.
I ran out of thyme.
“Did you know that the Christmas tree trend started because people thought it would spruce things up a
bit?”
How was Heaven when you left it?
Girl you are like the sweet song of a choir.
My wife will never forget falling asleep in the sun with her breast exposed.
It’s forever burned in her mammary.
While rainbows must be many colors, they should always stay blue to themselves.
What did the knife say to the other knife? Knife to meet you!
I banged my bike against the wall today. it was wheelie unfortunate.
What’s it called when a bunch of pigs compete in athletic games?
The Olympigs.
What did the pigeon say after being struck by lightning?
Not coo.
What do you call a man who expects to have se* on the second date? Patient!
What were the ponies most excited for in the meal?
The main horse.
Did you hear about the bear with the bad heart?
It went into kodiak arrest.
What did the clean dog say to the dirty dog?
Long time no flea.
Til death do us part and then some, dear.
Go to BabaMail
