What is every horses birthday wish?
A stable economy.
These days, knights love to watch movies, and their favorite genre is the horror and the action genre. Also, I am pretty sure that their favorite movie is 'Knight Of The Living Dead.'
What do cows get when they are sick? Hay Fever.
“Diet day #1: All the unhealthy food has been removed from the house. It was delicious.”
― Unknown
You’re my heartthrob.
How do you make a mango shake?
You take it to a scary movie.
How did the struggling leaf get the job? He got the right qua-leaf-ications.
Is there an excessive heat warning or am I just hot for you.
What do you get if you cross a whale with an elephant?
A submarine with a built-in snorkel.
Want to start a Hula band that covers music by Poison.
Gonna call it Poi, Son.
I asked a train engineer how many times his train had derailed. He said, “I’m not sure, it’s hard to keep track.”
What did the confused cat say? I’m purr-plexed!
When the first nuclear bomb was detonated all the neutrons were sad.
Because their parents had just split.
Why can’t you screw with whales?
because they hump back.
Don't be too harsh on the bread. All it kneads is love.
“Cancers are Moonchildren; totally influenced by the waxing and waning cycles of the Moon. Asking them to remain in one feeling, one mood, or one state of mind is pure insanity.”
— Sherene Schostak
It’s really annoying being stuck behind a flamingo in a car. They literally never put their foot down.
How does a Snowman get to work?
By icicle.
A kitchen knife and fork had a race. Who won? Neither, it ended in a drawer.
What is a butcher’s favorite Elvis Presley song? Love Meat Tenders.
I hear it's easy to get ladies not to eat Tide pods.
It's more difficult to deter gents, though.
What's the opposite of a positive crocodile?
A negator
What’s worse than finding a worm in your pear?
Finding half a worm.
What do aspens wear to school? A tree-shirt.
“I’ve always loved yoga because you get to connect to a deep religious truth while stretching your legs.” — Katya Zamolodchikova
Haikus are easy.
But sometimes they don't make sense.
University.
Are you my favorite book? Because when I think about you I touch my shelf.
What kind of car does Yogi bear drive?
A Furrari.
What goes ‘Cackle, cackle, cackle, bonk’?
A witch laughing her head off.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Frank
Frank who?
Frank you for being my friend!
What does a pirate with heart failures need?
Anti-arrrrrrrrrrhythmics.
Oh gosh gal your eyes look like falling stars.
People with 20-20 vision..
Why you didn't warn us before??
How did the roommate who stole the last avocado from the fruit bowl justify her thievery?
“I know it’s wrong, but it feels so ripe!”
Topside, silverside and brisket tend to groan when they get up from their chairs. This is because they are achey joints.
How did Cleopatra feel when she learned she was queen of Egypt?
She was in denial
You know you’re getting old when…
You and your teeth don’t sleep together.
"Here for the right riesling."
The guests were already at the door and we realized we forgot to make dessert. As a last-minute resort, my wife took the skillet, spread some frosting on it and said,
"Pancake".
If you’re looking for a job, get trained in horticulture. It’s a growing industry.
My dog loves poetry.
Especially William Shakes-paw.
There was a Young Lady of Hull,
Who was chased by a virulent bull;
But she seized on a spade,
And called out, 'Who's afraid?'
Which distracted that virulent bull.
A pilot friend of mine took the flight exam and flew past a rainbow. No wonder, he passed with flying colors.
What did the femur say to the patella? I kneed you.
What did the ear of corn say when all of its clothes fell off?
Awe shucks!
How do snails make important calls? On shell phones.
No matter what shampoo I use, I can’t seem to get rid of my dandruff.
It’s a real head scratcher.
What does a cat like to eat on his birthday? Mice cream and cake!
Why did the fish make such a good musician?
He knew his scales.
What did the rabbit say to its wife? No bunny compares to you.
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