Let’s spend some koala-ty time together.
What do you call a very tall cherry blossom tree in Italy? The leaning flower of Pisa.
You must be a magician, because every time I look at you, everyone else disappears.
Some types of meat like to play around a lot. These are generally the game types.
What do you call people who are obsessed with crocodiles?
Crocophiles.
Do you know about April 1st?
Yes, I’m fooly aware of it!
What do you get when you plant a Donut?
A pastree.
What sort of lights were on Noah’s Ark?
Flood lights.
Did the sun come out or did you just smile at me?
The difference between divorce and legal separation is that a legal separation gives a husband time to hide his money.
I rang up a yoga instructor and asked which class I should take. She said, “How flexible are you?” I said, “I can’t do Tuesdays.” – Unknown
Where do Danish players aim with the puck? Top kroner.
Angry cows are usually responsible for giving the farmer sour milk.
What time should I book the court? Let’s shoot for around tennish.
My wife left me because I'm so insecure
No wait.. She's back! She was just getting coffee
"You get two for the price of one when you are a Gemini."
— Karan Johar
"This graveyard's gotten way too popular," said the zombie to the vampire.
"People are dying to get in."
“Nurse: handing me a newborn You got this? Me: Sometimes I have to dig through the trash to re-read the instructions for mac ‘n’ cheese” – @mommy_cusses
What did the dolphin say when it broke its neighbor’s window?
It wasn’t on porpoise!
My love for you sprouts more and more everyday!
“Gardeners know the best dirt.”
— Anonymous
I swear I saw one of those mythical creatures somewhere in the bush; but when I came back, it was uni-gone.
Salami get this straight - you don't like meat puns?!
During the Great Depression, President Hoover didn't give a dam.
Vikings aren't afraid of death.
They know they'll be Bjorn again.
Astronaut 1: I can't find any milk for my coffee.
Astronaut 2: In space, no one can. Here, use cream.
What did the salt say after it was pepper-sprayed?
That's nothing to sneeze at.
Golf is a lot like taxes:
You go for the green and wind up in the hole.
"I like long walks, especially when they're taken by people who annoy me"- Fred Allen.
Where do vampires eat their lunch?
At the casketeria.
How do you dry clothes on a line in winter?
You freeze dry them.
One strawberry said to the other, “Were it not that you were so sweet, you wouldn’t have ended up in this jam.”
What does an owl with an attitude have?
A scowl.
What do you call a zombie in pajamas?
The sleepwalking dead.
What happens when you cross an iron with a telephone? You get a smooth signal.
What did the confused cat say? I’m purr-plexed!
I killed all the knights in the Iron Keep, except one,
He was Allone
Don't tell secrets in corn fields.
Too many ears around.
"What did the toaster say to the slice of bread?" "I want you inside me!"
If you're wondering if someone's become a vampire, there's an easy way to tell. A true vampire is always coffin.
Where do nuts go for a quick energy boost?
The nearest Shell station.
Are you the Count Dracula? When you stared at me, my heart stopped.
I was astonished when my shirt's color changed from red to pink after a wash. Guess it showed me its true colors.
What does a polite vampire say to its victim?
- Fang you very much.
What do you get when you throw a hand grenade into a French bathroom?
Linoleum Blownapart.
Knock Knock!
Who's there?
Nose.
Nose who?
I nose plenty more knock-knock jokes!
“Children have never been very good at listening to their elders, but they have never failed to imitate them.”
- James Baldwin.
Do you play hockey? 'Cause I wouldn't mind poke-checking you.
It's so cold that Starbucks started serving coffee on a stick.
Why didnt the moon have any more to eat.
Becuase it was full
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